Please help me save my relationship!

[Paratus]

I am a Canadian Christian man dating a young muslim woman. We have fallen deeply in love and are very happy in all aspects of our relationship - except religious.


I had been oblivious to the teachings of Islam and the contents of the Koran until my girlfriend pressured me into converting to islam. Unfortunately this has backfired on her intentions, as I have uncovered to truth of this destructive cult. I am more and more afraid for her as my knowledge increases. Ironically, I am a very tolerant person and was open minded to learning about her faith - but I never imagined I would find such disturbing things, right to the core of the Koran and the impostor false-prophet "Mohammed."


My girlfriend is a VERY liberal Canadian who drinks, parties and is dating me. The irony is that she firmly believes in islam and thinks this is the true religion. She is a "women's rights activist" and firmly believes that islam teaches equality of sex. She believes in human rights freedoms, yet believes in Islam - though a very moderate version. Ironically, she would be murdered for her behavior if she was living in a Muslim Country. While we are desperately in love and I admire many of her personality traits - the same traits of pride, passion and ambition are causing her to blindly follow and refute any criticism of her faith. I've noticed some disturbing anti-Semitic sentiments in her, intolerance to my religion, and things are starting to add up. I try to help her appreciate that the quality and content of a religion will be manifest by the behavior and acts of it's people, but she cannot accept this logic. She becomes very passionate and defensive whenever we talk about religion.


Long story short, I am very concerned for her well-being, mental and physical and I can only hope she will see the light! I know that if she does not realize the fallacy of her religion, our relationship cannot continue. Whereas I initially thought we could coexist in our differing beliefs, I now know I could never condone the teachings of this cult.


She is brilliant, honest, loving, affectionate - everything I could ever want in a companion, and everything that islam is not. Please help us save our relationship. It is a relationship worth fighting for, but I just don't know how I could ever get through to her - she has such blind faith.


Earnestly seeking your help

[diotima64]

Sorry, but welcome to the club... and from my experience, I can only give you one advice, though it may be harsh:
Ditch her now, and save yourself years of wasting your time on something that won´t ever go anywhere but heartbreak.

[YellowRubberDucky]

Sorry to say this but unless you convert to islam it will not work.

I was in a relationship with a muslim man and he sounded just like her. However, when the issue of marriage came up he changed overnight into a different person. He is now obsessive about islam but I know still loves me so is frustrating. I have tried to get him to read Ali Sina's book but is now really angry and I do not want that in my life. I am not saying she would never leave islam but going but what you are saying it is highly unlikely. Islam is all about family honour and believe me there is no such thing as a moderate muslim. Do you want your kids to be brought up islamic? That is what will happen.

This site is a warning to women marrying muslim men but might be good for you to read as well http://www.domini.org/lam/

Remember this too:

2 Corinthians 6:14 (New International Version)
Do Not Be Yoked With Unbelievers
14Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?

As much as it hurts now in a few months the above will make more and more sense to you.

Good luck

[natural_person]

Dear Unfortunate Paratus ,

Worth fighting for? Then fight ! You must be willing to fight and eventually sacrifice a few of the good years of your life and be prepared for hardship and surprises.
Islam does not allow he to be the way she presents herself at this time. She will change constantly like all of us but she gravitates in between two totally different worlds. I don't really understand how can she be so free and still cling to islam as a doctrine. That points to her family. What kind of people ? No pressure there ? Are you sure ? They are not the honor-killing type but she still must be islamic ?

Try counseling with a professional that knows how to deal with cult mentality.

Concentrate on the so-called "prophethood'' of mohammed and his criminality well documented by muslims themselves. Read the hadith with her. Pretend you want to understand and ask her to answer why ? How come ? Force her to think !

Look the FAQ section where Ali Sina does a superb job with defensive questions that muslims ask and where their idiotic slogans like:
""Islam is the fastest growing religion""" are being flooded with reason. THERE IS NO REASON IN ISLAM ! She was maimed from infancy. She cannot reason with you on WHY she must stay in islam. She just cannot. But she should be able to explain why YOU should convert to islam. She's not 7 years old to say ''Because !" "I know for sure !" Any intellectual should be able to say why they believe something and point to solid ground when they do so.

Maybe Diotima - a highly educated lady - will be kind enough to show you past posts of hers where she explained what happened in her relationship with a muslim. I do remember the story.( I hope you healed Diotima !)

What about your girlfriend ? She's willing to lose you over islam? Take time ! Maybe you will be successful in decipherying how her mind works.

Good Luck.

[SAM]

I am a Canadian Christian man dating a young muslim woman. We have fallen deeply in love and are very happy in all aspects of our relationship - except religious.


I had been oblivious to the teachings of Islam and the contents of the Koran until my girlfriend pressured me into converting to islam. Unfortunately this has backfired on her intentions, as I have uncovered to truth of this destructive cult. I am more and more afraid for her as my knowledge increases. Ironically, I am a very tolerant person and was open minded to learning about her faith - but I never imagined I would find such disturbing things, right to the core of the Koran and the impostor false-prophet "Mohammed."


My girlfriend is a VERY liberal Canadian who drinks, parties and is dating me. The irony is that she firmly believes in islam and thinks this is the true religion. She is a "women's rights activist" and firmly believes that islam teaches equality of sex. She believes in human rights freedoms, yet believes in Islam - though a very moderate version. Ironically, she would be murdered for her behavior if she was living in a Muslim Country. While we are desperately in love and I admire many of her personality traits - the same traits of pride, passion and ambition are causing her to blindly follow and refute any criticism of her faith. I've noticed some disturbing anti-Semitic sentiments in her, intolerance to my religion, and things are starting to add up. I try to help her appreciate that the quality and content of a religion will be manifest by the behavior and acts of it's people, but she cannot accept this logic. She becomes very passionate and defensive whenever we talk about religion.

Long story short, I am very concerned for her well-being, mental and physical and I can only hope she will see the light! I know that if she does not realize the fallacy of her religion, our relationship cannot continue. Whereas I initially thought we could coexist in our differing beliefs, I now know I could never condone the teachings of this cult.


She is brilliant, honest, loving, affectionate - everything I could ever want in a companion, and everything that islam is not. Please help us save our relationship. It is a relationship worth fighting for, but I just don't know how I could ever get through to her - she has such blind faith.

Earnestly seeking your help

You drop down your pant to show your privates and then makes this argument stronger than her Islam faith.

“Marriage between a Muslim woman and a non-Muslim [man] is forbidden and invalid – that is a consensus among Muslims. A [Muslim] woman who has taken the liberty [of marrying a non-Muslim man] has removed herself from the fold of the Muslim community – and one who has done so knowing that it is wrong, has done something strictly forbidden, and has committed an open [act of] abomination that may hurl her into the abyss of heresy and apostasy.

“The wisdom of the religious ban [against the marriage of a Muslim woman to a non-Muslim man lies in] its preventing [the woman] from being tempted away from her faith. The Koran justifies this ban by saying that these marriages ‘beckon [the believer] to the Fire [of Hell; Koran 2:221].’ In other words, they lead to sins that doom [the sinner] to Hell… since [the woman] may be tempted to renounce [Islam], to doubt [the truth of] Islam, and to disparage its religious rituals.

[natural_person]

See Mr. Pratus ?

Look at the above post. Your girlfriend will have to decide between you and islam. Fear is being used against her. Terror. Without terror of all kinds (emotional at least in this case) there will be no islam !

She will need to choose between a life with you - in which her free-to-think and stand for what she believes kind of lifestyle will be preserved - AND a life for islam... in which she will be used for reproduction with no rights (unless the muslim husband agrees to some) and no more liberty to think !

I know muslim women who turned their back on abuse and non-sense and idiotic obsessive-compulsive movements. One got married with a blond looking American, started a business, got LOTS of friends, built a nice home and created a fresh start in everything. And new traditions and stories to tell to the generations to come. There are many like her. All these marriages are not being talked about for obvious reasons. Hush Hush!

Islam is a politican movement created for contest.
Men fight and destroy other cultures with their muscles (and terror) women are being used for massive reproduction (their numbers constantly parraded as very important !) and the doctrines masterfully created by the Evil himself - mohammad if you want - in his destruction... are forcefully employed so humans (or humanoids... muslims if you want) can be used as robots devoided of individual thinking ... the real actual difference between robots/machines and a Human ( which God created in his own image...)

This is the essence of what our SAM the Robot tried to convey to you.

Be strong and be skillful !

[SAM]

See Mr. Pratus ?

Spoiler! :

Look at the above post. Your girlfriend will have to decide between you and islam. Fear is being used against her. Terror. Without terror of all kinds (emotional at least in this case) there will be no islam !

She will need to choose between a life with you - in which her free-to-think and stand for what she believes kind of lifestyle will be preserved - AND a life for islam... in which she will be used for reproduction with no rights (unless the muslim husband agrees to some) and no more liberty to think !

I know muslim women who turned their back on abuse and non-sense and idiotic obsessive-compulsive movements. One got married with a blond looking American, started a business, got LOTS of friends, built a nice home and created a fresh start in everything. And new traditions and stories to tell to the generations to come. There are many like her. All these marriages are not being talked about for obvious reasons. Hush Hush!

Islam is a politican movement created for contest.
Men fight and destroy other cultures with their muscles (and terror) women are being used for massive reproduction (their numbers constantly parraded as very important !) and the doctrines masterfully created by the Evil himself - mohammad if you want - in his destruction... are forcefully employed so humans (or humanoids... muslims if you want) can be used as robots devoided of individual thinking ... the real actual difference between robots/machines and a Human ( which God created in his own image...)

This is the essence of what our SAM the Robot tried to convey to you.

Be strong and be skillful !

That's your opinion not mine.....

[IrreligiousTheist]

My girlfriend is a VERY liberal Canadian who drinks, parties and is dating me. The irony is that she firmly believes in islam and thinks this is the true religion. She is a "women's rights activist" and firmly believes that islam teaches equality of sex. She believes in human rights freedoms, yet believes in Islam - though a very moderate version. Ironically, she would be murdered for her behavior if she was living in a Muslim Country.
I try to help her appreciate that the quality and content of a religion will be manifest by the behavior and acts of it's people, but she cannot accept this logic. She becomes very passionate and defensive whenever we talk about religion.
I can only hope she will see the light! I know that if she does not realize the fallacy of her religion...

I'm only quoting parts I want to talk about. Anyway, my advice to you and anyone else in your situation is: HIT IT WHERE IT HURTS THE MOST. In other words, don't try to cut the tree in the middle. Uproot it. The roots of Islam are the Qur'an and Hadith for all Muslims, even if they have never read it. The rest of the tree is all the Friday sermons and other beliefs they have about Islam being true religion, being equal, etc. If you try to attack there, you will find resistance, because you're being labelled as biased and opinionated towards their religion.

So the best strategy is to take their roots and make them examine it. For example, your girlfriend drinks. What do the Qur'an and Hadith say about drinking? Show her that. Don't show her to make your point across. Simply show her the verses and ask her "This is what your Qur'an tells me. What's your opinion?" Do the same for other areas of her life that contradicts with Islamic teachings. Oh, but the biggest blow will come when you show her what the Qur'an teaches about equality of gender, and about human rights.

A good resource for you start with is TheReligionofPeace - Myths of Islam. Ask her to open her eyes and read the very thing she is defending - the Qur'an - and the truth shall set her free!

If she still doesn't see the light, simply show her the verses that say she must hate you, because you're not a Muslim. And that she must fight you and strive to slay you. If she loves Islam so much, tell her to really hate you and leave you. She's definitely not worth your time if she loves Muhammad more than she loves you. Find a good Christian girl (since you're a Christian; yes, the Bible tells you that Christians must not marry non-Christians. I don't know whether people follow that or not.). Other readers, find a good respectful girl who clicks with you and is not a Muslim.

[emma67]

I am a Canadian Christian man dating a young muslim woman. We have fallen deeply in love and are very happy in all aspects of our relationship - except religious.

Earnestly seeking your help

Hello Paratus,

1 - Your Muslim girlfriend isn't a Muslim since she's willing to date a Christian. It's illegal for her to marry any man except a Muslim.
2 - Her drinking, partying etc are also against Islam.
So 1 possible tactic is to tell your girfriend that she isn't a practicing Muslim since she doesn't follow the rules of the Qu'ran and to also tell her something along the lines of THANK GOD you don't, otherwise, you'd be good for hellfire and THANK GOD you don't because I'm not going to convert to this violent and intolerant religion. I don't consider you inferior to me, nor do I think your job is to stay home and look after the kids, nor do I agree that a man should have the right to marry 4 women, etc, etc. You are my equal and the Qu'ran rejects this. Do show her Wikiislam, she obviously doesn't know what her religion implies. Open her eyes and help her out if you love her this much, no matter what. Help her out of hell. This is what love is for too. Please let us know what happens to you.

[Yohan]

Earnestly seeking your help

Do not try to be accomodative. She will only make your life miserable. Give her a choice: Become a Christian or end of story. (You can predict the outcome here.) Also, remind her that she is living in a Christian country afterall.

[J C]

This sounds all too familiar; wine and pork aside, she suddenly got very touchy... In my own experience, it was all about living in two societies; my girlfriend had to be 2 persons at once, and the anger in her reaction might very well come from that pressure. (What I should have done, if possible, was to wring her out of her family’s loving but strangling arms -- these matters do not improve over time. I don't know you, I hope that you both are stronger than we were, but if the relationship seems to turn nasty, consider a radical change of environment.)

Concerning religion as such: Great damage has been done by Fatima Mernissi and other apologetics of Islam; it must be shown beyond doubt that its’ medieval aspects are incompatible with modern life. Read the Quran yourself (find a good translation) with an open mind but without forgetting you’re a modern person. You’ll be amazed at the quantity of hellfire in it. Ask her gently to explain the smellier parts.

As for the anti-Semitism, I don’t know how to fight it. It is racism… She's social: Perhaps a rather wet night out with nice people of all colours and creeds, equally liberal Jews included, would help?

Yours,
J C

[alemcodon]

yo mr paratus

how goes it? you got yourself in a sticky situation havnt you?!?! naughty boy!!

1st thing you need to accept mr paratus is most muslims, regardless of how corrupt they are, KNOW islam is the truest religion.

she may drink, go partying, even have sex, they KNOW they sin, but if you try to turn her away from her religion, she will eventually leave you.

What you need to do is, instead of learning about islam from these types of websites, read the actual quraan itself, carefully...dnt just whizz through it try a speeding train and you will find its not full of hate, and its not a cult.

the only verses of violence are those referring to specific events, and its not full of hell fire, there are many beautiful verses/chaptors. read surah woman, or surah the cave.

and one thing to note, when the quraan refers to believers this includes all religions that beleive in one god, jews chrsitians, zorastarian etc etc non beleivers refers to atheist and idol worhsippers.....

if you accept islam, this woman will accept you, but dnt accept islam for her, accept it for yourself. you also must relaise when reading most books about differentiating between what the authors opinions are, and what the facts are....for example...

the quraan says its a sin to commit adultry as its evil...the author and 'sharia' law might say stone em to death...

this isnt what the quraan teaches, these were laws implemented by certain leaders but its not the law what the quraan lays down. theres a big diffrence, and like any religion you do get some lunatics extremists, even if the prophet may have prescribed a certain punishment, or done something, doesnt mean this is LAW.

i read an interesting article by an american psyhcologists, he refers to 'the night journy' story about muhammed, when moses kept sending muhammed back to god to ask the number of prayers to be reduced...and he concluded in islam that dialogue with god is possible, not everything must be set in stone...and verses in quraan would even say this, that laws can change vary according to the times and state of the people.

so be sure to note which laws the quraans fixes in stone, and what punishments it prescribes before you conclude its a barbaric cult. read the quraan, not other peoples interpretation of it.

[wakeup]

See Mr. Pratus ?

Look at the above post. Your girlfriend will have to decide between you and islam. Fear is being used against her. Terror. Without terror of all kinds (emotional at least in this case) there will be no islam !

She will need to choose between a life with you - in which her free-to-think and stand for what she believes kind of lifestyle will be preserved - AND a life for islam... in which she will be used for reproduction with no rights (unless the muslim husband agrees to some) and no more liberty to think !

I know muslim women who turned their back on abuse and non-sense and idiotic obsessive-compulsive movements. One got married with a blond looking American, started a business, got LOTS of friends, built a nice home and created a fresh start in everything. And new traditions and stories to tell to the generations to come. There are many like her. All these marriages are not being talked about for obvious reasons. Hush Hush!

Islam is a politican movement created for contest.
Men fight and destroy other cultures with their muscles (and terror) women are being used for massive reproduction (their numbers constantly parraded as very important !) and the doctrines masterfully created by the Evil himself - mohammad if you want - in his destruction... are forcefully employed so humans (or humanoids... muslims if you want) can be used as robots devoided of individual thinking ... the real actual difference between robots/machines and a Human ( which God created in his own image...)

This is the essence of what our SAM the Robot tried to convey to you.

Be strong and be skillful !

All that you and others in love with a Muslim want to know is replied here absolutely beautifully.

Please believe she may do whatever or say whatever she will never ever change her identity. There are millions of Muslimas living in non Muslim countries who indulge in all and everything or even more than natives, yet when it comes to changing their faith, they become shaky.
It is because if they leave this slavery of mind, they also have to leave most of their family. They will never do that.

If you want to persist in suffering and or ready to suffer, masochistically and expect violence and never ending arguments, you may continue.
Love stage you are in is like having the 3rd glass of alcohol. You are in senses. When you become sober and night after, and when you are able to see the realities you will leave her for sure. She is merely using you.

Why am I suggesting? Even if you become a Muslim on surface just to satisfy her family, they will never accept you and you will be making many enemies.
Next more you learn of Islam more you will hate her. Even if she is non religious in practice, Muslim women living in Canada or the the US deep in their heart are too naive to ever leave their birth faith for fears and for fear of losing her family. They will drink, sleep around and do all they can yet never accept Jews, Hindus or Buddhists. You are now at a critical point of decision.

Place some attention and listen to most wise people here. The Muslim men will always suggest you to disconnect for their bias.
But I am saying for I have seen many friends suffering like you around the world who tried to marry a Muslim spouse. Almost all of them failed.
I have yet to meet one single Muslim who has maintained a good relation with her/his non Muslim spouse.

Islam is a cancerous disease that takes away all rationale, sane mind and literally speaking the spirit. Do not waste your life.

[J C]

there are many beautiful verses/chaptors. read surah woman, or surah the cave.

The Quran: Assorted medieval ramblings by an illiterate madman, who suffered from hearing voices ("God") and hallucinations ("angels"). Having read it just as carefully as suggested, without any of the blindfolds recommended above, I reject this psychologically interesting, but nonetheless unreadable, rubbish.

[rishabh66sharma]

no dude don't change your religion for her
or you make a deal with her that both of you will change religion and becomes atheist or buddhists or something
its called taqiya when a muslim tries to change the religion of non muslim and convert him/her to islam ,probably she is doing that to you(willingly or unwillingly)

[antineoETC]

My girlfriend is a VERY liberal Canadian who drinks, parties and is dating me. The irony is that she firmly believes in islam and thinks this is the true religion. She is a "women's rights activist" and firmly believes that islam teaches equality of sex. She believes in human rights freedoms, yet believes in Islam - though a very moderate version. Ironically, she would be murdered for her behavior if she was living in a Muslim Country.

She appears to be a combination of the devout-ignorant and self-deluder Muslim. This sort is, in their own way, just as dangerous as the out and out proponents/practitioners of sharia/jihad. Aside from her obvious strong potential to develop full blown Islam and her efforts to convert you and thus swell the number of Muslims, the very outward "moderation" of her and her ilk helps confuse the wider non-Muslim society as to the true nature of this cult.

Please help us save our relationship. It is a relationship worth fighting for, but I just don't know how I could ever get through to her - she has such blind faith.

Direct her to "extremist" literature, websites etc (though not those advocating terrorism I hasten to add). Chances are they will divest her of any traces of her "moderation" and she'll soon be proudly sporting a burkha or some such other dress and end your relationship. There is of course a very tiny possibility that, shorn of her delusions, she'll totally abandon Islam in disgust.

[Ariel]

Do not even know, if my ordeal's ever going to end. !

Of course it will weltschmerz. Your schmerz will ease . Next year this time you can't even remember his name anymore . Believe me. In the end this experience will make you stronger. But for now you must stop wallowing in your grief, and forget about him. Don't even think about him anymore. He is not worth your sorrow.

[Ram]

My advice to Paratus, my friend, is to end this here itself. Spare yourself the heartbreak. "They" are incapable of understanding true affection!

For Muslims, love has no meaning. They look at everything from Islamic perspective.

[weltschmerz]

Of course it will weltschmerz. Your schmerz will ease . Next year this time you can't even remember his name anymore . Believe me. In the end this experience will make you stronger. But for now you must stop wallowing in your grief, and forget about him. Don't even think about him anymore. He is not worth your sorrow.

Dear Ariel, Amen. Wish, what you have said, turns out to be true, and asap. In fact, I must admit, this site is helping me heal.

Thank you so very much for your warm words. God bless you.

For Muslims, love has no meaning. They look at everything from Islamic perspective.

Dear Ram, although this piece of information has come my way a little late... I am happy, that it atleast did! Like they say, it's better late than never! But at the same time, I think, I must say, I still do not hate anyone on basis of their religion or philosophy, I just feel sad for them, for their inehrent inability to differentiate / distinguish between Right and Wrong. These people, according to me, are morally, mentally and emotionally crippled. Lets pray, God shows some compassion on them and blesses them with the ability as well as the strength to do what is RIGHT. I am sure, we will all agree with this.

Regards,
Weltschmerz

[Ram]

weltschmerz, I hope you will come out stronger through this ordeal. I was born in Pakistan. I speak Urdu and Sindhi fluently. I can read and write in both languages very well. If you read Urdu newspapers in Pakistan, you can feel the hatred Muslim Pakistanis have for Jews, Christians and Hindus - every word spews hatred. If you listen to Urdu television, you will find that the hatred of non-Muslims is universal in Pakistan.

For Muslims, friendship and love is secondry. There are exceptions, of course.