Being with a Muslim who believes in reforming Islam

[Lili]

Hello all! I was stoked to find this site and read it every day. A lot of intelligent ideas here.

I have never been a Muslim myself, but I am now married to a Muslim and have a question for you all. He is not a practicing Muslim, he does not believe in most of what Islam teaches, yet he still chooses to identify himself as a Muslim. That makes his life a lot harder than it should be. I tried talking to him, asking him why he still thinks he has anything to do with Islam, but he gets defensive. My husband is very ignorant of his religion and when I try to educate him, he just shrugs it off and avoids the topic. He still believes 9/11 was an inside job and thinks that terrorists make a bad name for all Muslims on purpose. He was shocked to learn Aisha was only nine when Mohammad had sex with her; he also didn't know anything about the advocated punishment for apostasy, etc.

Another problem is his father, who after 40+ years of not practicing, decided to revert to Islam and practically became a fanatic. My husband's family still has no idea that we are married because I am a non-believer and he does not want to upset them.

I am perfectly satisfied with my marriage and the way my husband lives his life and treats me, but why he still chooses to call himself a Muslim is beyond me. The only islamic thing he ever does is avoiding pork in his food (although if he is really hungry, he does not even bother checking if his food contains pork or not, lol).

Is there anything I should casually mention to my husband in a conversation for him to denounce that silly faith already? It's not helping him make any friends here.

[Wootah]

It's hard because you don't want to rock the boat either and have him 'revert' to Islam as well.

How is being a Muslim making his life harder? How is it affecting you?

I know cultural Arabs that call themselves Muslims but don't practise and yet don't eat pork. I don't push it and don't order pepperoni when we get pizza on one pizza and get pepperoni on the other. It is hard for anyone to shake off a cultural trait in only one generation. eg: Many Russians still yearn or defend Communism etc.

[pr126]

In my opinion, Islam cannot be "reformed", nor it should be.

Islam, as a belief system is dangerous for humanity, it is a lethal mind virus.

You wrote:

Another problem is his father, who after 40+ years of not practicing, decided to revert to Islam and practically became a fanatic. My husband's family still has no idea that we are married because I am a non-believer and he does not want to upset them.

This is proof that this belief system is extremely divisive, even sets family members against each other.

Islam is a cult, not a religion.

Caveat:
There is absolutely no guaranties that a non practising Muslim will not "revert" sometime in the future.
(Example: your father in law)

Apostasy could reduce the possibility.

[Lili]

Yeah, I know... At his job, a lot of people have negative opinion about Islam and my husband takes it personally. That's why it affects him negatively. Not eating pork doesn't bother me really. I also think Islam cannot be reformed, yet he has that naive idea of Islam becoming tolerant of gays and non-believers. His best friend is gay!

I guess if my husband insists on calling himself a Muslim, it's fine as long as he doesn't act on it, like his father

[pr126]

At his job, a lot of people have negative opinion about Islam and my husband takes it personally.

For the vast majority of Muslims, - I think for all Muslims, - Islam is their identity, their self worth.
Therefore any criticism on Islam is perceived as personal attack on them.

[wakeup]

At his job, a lot of people have negative opinion about Islam and my husband takes it personally.

For the vast majority of Muslims, - I think for all Muslims, - Islam is their identity, their self worth.
Therefore any criticism on Islam is perceived as personal attack on them.

You summed it up. This is the key problem of most common Muslims they consider their cultural identity with a religious belief they are born in.
If we can find a solution for this we can reform and fix millions of people's dilemma.

[Yohan]

At his job, a lot of people have negative opinion about Islam and my husband takes it personally.

For the vast majority of Muslims, - I think for all Muslims, - Islam is their identity, their self worth. Therefore any criticism on Islam is perceived as personal attack on them.

Your point is well taken. Such beliefs have deep hidden influences on one's psyche, though one may appear 'normal' to a blind eye. Lili has to keep in mind that what has happened to her father-inlaw could happen to her husband on one fine morning. She should not be surprised when that happens.

The only way to prevent this is to slowly direct him to another religion. Take him to church on Sundays, if Lili is a christian.

[Idesigner]

Dear Lili,

How long have you been married?

Are you planning to have any children.

90% of Muslim men revert to Islam once they have children. They quit drinking, start eating halal food, start praying 5 times so that their children have a "Muslim " role model.

Go through testimonies of ex Muslims and Muslimmahs on the forum. Once they havd children marriage falls apart, kidnapping of children starts.

[expozIslam]

Hello all! I was stoked to find this site and read it every day. A lot of intelligent ideas here.

I have never been a Muslim myself, but I am now married to a Muslim and have a question for you all. He is not a practicing Muslim, he does not believe in most of what Islam teaches,

It is not important how much of islam he believes. Does he consider islam as the only true religion and all other religions as false? Does he consider himself a human being, a citizen first and then a muslim?

yet he still chooses to identify himself as a Muslim. That makes his life a lot harder than it should be.

One cannot just wish away islamic influence. It takes time and study. One needs to read and reread the objective assessment of Quran everyday to keep Islam at bay.

I tried talking to him, asking him why he still thinks he has anything to do with Islam, but he gets defensive.

Egos kick in the moment you try to discuss this kind of issue with a muslim.

My husband is very ignorant of his religion

as are most of the muslims, otherwise they would be ashamed to call themselves muslims.

and when I try to educate him, he just shrugs it off and avoids the topic.

Of course, he will. Islamic mind is trained to ignore any question that weakens faith.

He still believes 9/11 was an inside job

HE IS A MUSLIM.

and thinks that terrorists make a bad name for all Muslims on purpose.

Ask him if he prefers sharia vs democratic systems in western world?

He was shocked to learn Aisha was only nine when Mohammad had sex with her; he also didn't know anything about the advocated punishment for apostasy, etc.

Most muslims do not know what they recite.

Another problem is his father, who after 40+ years of not practicing, decided to revert to Islam and practically became a fanatic.

Nothing new in that. Your husband might one day as well unless you can rescue him.

My husband's family still has no idea that we are married because I am a non-believer and he does not want to upset them.

That is fair enough but ask him why should they get upset? or Is he waiting for you to convertrevert to islam?

I am perfectly satisfied with my marriage and the way my husband lives his life and treats me, but why he still chooses to call himself a Muslim is beyond me. The only islamic thing he ever does is avoiding pork in his food (although if he is really hungry, he does not even bother checking if his food contains pork or not, lol).

Is there anything I should casually mention to my husband in a conversation for him to denounce that silly faith already? It's not helping him make any friends here.

Best thing would be get him a copy of Ali Sina's Understanding Mohammad and a copy of Quran in a language that he understands.
http://www.faithfreedom.org/prologue/ would also be very helpful.
Now you can do it in two ways
a) Seek clarifications forcing him to read
b) force him to read by challenging him that world would be a better place without Islam.

and Welcome to FFI

[Lili]

Thank you very much, everybody!

I took some of your advice here and asked him some questions today. Well, it seems like I don't have a husband any more
Unfortunately, he does not even believe in free speech. My husband said that he would gladly kill any person who would draw Mohammad, and he would simply leave me if I did. We've been together for 2 years already, and no kids. He told me a couple of times that our children would be Muslim, yes.

I am not a religious person, and he does not mind it all that much, but I can see he could be waiting for me to convert. I will try making him read the koran and see what he thinks.

thanks everyone!

let the nightmare begin.

[Wootah]

Thank you very much, everybody!

I took some of your advice here and asked him some questions today. Well, it seems like I don't have a husband any more
Unfortunately, he does not even believe in free speech. My husband said that he would gladly kill any person who would draw Mohammad, and he would simply leave me if I did. We've been together for 2 years already, and no kids. He told me a couple of times that our children would be Muslim, yes.

I am not a religious person, and he does not mind it all that much, but I can see he could be waiting for me to convert. I will try making him read the koran and see what he thinks.

thanks everyone!

let the nightmare begin.

Pack your bags and leave.

[expozIslam]

Thank you very much, everybody!

I took some of your advice here and asked him some questions today. Well, it seems like I don't have a husband any more
Unfortunately, he does not even believe in free speech. My husband said that he would gladly kill any person who would draw Mohammad,

and such people are called 'moderates'. So, what made you think that he is not a muslim?

and he would simply leave me if I did.

Muslims love MOhammad more than anything else, more than Allah himself.

We've been together for 2 years already, and no kids. He told me a couple of times that our children would be Muslim, yes.

I am not a religious person, and he does not mind it all that much, but I can see he could be waiting for me to convert. I will try making him read the koran and see what he thinks.

Give it a shot but don't be too optimistic.

thanks everyone!

let the nightmare begin.

you are welcome and nightmare today can save you a hellish life later on.

[Lili]

The conversation I had with my husband this morning was definitely an eye opener. I am not optimistic, so I won't even try. Thank you guys for your support, it's actually quite a relief to have him exposed as a person in a deep state of psychosis that is Islam. I still have no idea how I managed to be so blind and think my husband was a modern, tolerant guy. Wishful thinking, perhaps?

I am so glad I found this site. You guys might just have saved my life today.

[Yohan]

The conversation I had with my husband this morning was definitely an eye opener. I am not optimistic, so I won't even try. Thank you guys for your support, it's actually quite a relief to have him exposed as a person in a deep state of psychosis that is Islam. I still have no idea how I managed to be so blind and think my husband was a modern, tolerant guy. Wishful thinking, perhaps?

I am so glad I found this site. You guys might just have saved my life today.

So, What do you plan to do?

[Lili]

Annul the marriage and move on. Staying with the guy could very well be suicidal. I wish I could send him back to his country of origin, too

[Ibn Rushd]

Me and my buddy are planning to move together. We are both ex-muslims. I don't know how many couples or married folks out there are both ex-muslims.

I hope you luck in your endeavours.

[Yohan]

Annul the marriage and move on. Staying with the guy could very well be suicidal. I wish I could send him back to his country of origin, too

Good decision! It would avoid a life's worth of troubles. BTW, where's the guy from?

[Idesigner]

Annul the marriage and move on. Staying with the guy could very well be suicidal. I wish I could send him back to his country of origin, too

That is the best for you.Forget about sending him back to his hell hole country.

Move away from him. Although he does not seem vengeful type but Muslims can become insane once they lose power.

[Lili]

My husband is from one of those post-Soviet republics in Central Asia. That's why I thought he wouldn't be so bad. I have heard so many stories of Arabs coming here and marrying Western women for Green cards and I was sure it wasn't happening to me.

I have obviously helped my husband with coming to this country and settling. What used to shock me the most, was his father telling my husband to leave me the moment he settles and was able to function here on his own. My husband stayed with me long after that, and I thought having a Muslim family was not that important to him. The truth of the matter is, he does not care if I go to hell, as long as I don't insult Islam and make him Muslim babies.

[expozIslam]

My husband is from one of those post-Soviet republics in Central Asia. That's why I thought he wouldn't be so bad. I have heard so many stories of Arabs coming here and marrying Western women for Green cards and I was sure it wasn't happening to me.

Everyone thinks that it is not going to happen to them.

I have obviously helped my husband with coming to this country and settling. What used to shock me the most, was his father telling my husband to leave me the moment he settles and was able to function here on his own.

Nothing new in that as well. Islam is all about deception.

My husband stayed with me long after that, and I thought having a Muslim family was not that important to him. The truth of the matter is, he does not care if I go to hell, as long as I don't insult Islam and make him Muslim babies.

The problem with Islam is that it makes you selfish. Muslims become so selfish and fearful of hell that they will do anything and I mean anything to save themselves from Allah's fury.