telling my parents

[sword_of_truth]

I am back from my long absence. It's been months.

Some people here may be familiar with my story, but I will summarize.

I want to tell my parents I am not a muslim. I live far away from them by myself. I am openly non-muslim where I live, but when I go back to visit my parents, I pretend to be a muslim again. I want to tell them the truth. I am tired of being hassled about being religious, getting an arranged marriage to a muslim, going to the mosque and so on. My father is a muslim; my mother is a Christian, so she won't really care. But my father flipped his lid when my sister threatened to marry a Hindu and stopped talking to her for months. Since my crime (apostasy) is worse, I expect a similar reaction from him.

My plan is not to criticize Islam, but just to say that I am now an atheist, with almost no other explanation, except to say that I cannot make myself believe in it. Perhaps, by e-mail. Sound good?

What would you do?

Also, if anyone has stories about how muslim friends and family reacted when they found out, I would like to hear them.

I don't know how soon I will do this. I may do it soon because it might affect my plans for the summer (i.e. whether I can visit my parents or not), which need to be sorted out.

[Ansar al-Zindiqi]

Keep it cool. Work towards being ever more financially independent and take steps to ensure that you have the necessary mobility should you be threatened by Muslims for leaving Islam. I also would let him figure it out for himself. Even if that takes years. It's a matter of holding your cards close and away from prying eyes.

[iffo]

As long as you don't bark you should have no problem.

[yeezevee]

As long as you don't bark you should have no problem.

you quite often use improper words when it is not needed dear iffo., don't be silly

What do mean by "do not bark"? How do you bark at you parents?? Give me an example of such Barking.

Suppose you were in the same position as "sword_of_truth"., How do you tell them?? write few words..

[Chiclets]

Your dad will feel let down by you, but IMO, it is not you who has let him down, it is your dad who let you down by indoctrinating you into religion in the first place.

PS watch out for intense brainwashing that may occur when you visit your family, in case you do come out of the closet.

Good luck,
C

[expozIslam]

I am back from my long absence. It's been months.

Some people here may be familiar with my story, but I will summarize.

I want to tell my parents I am not a muslim. I live far away from them by myself. I am openly non-muslim where I live, but when I go back to visit my parents, I pretend to be a muslim again. I want to tell them the truth. I am tired of being hassled about being religious, getting an arranged marriage to a muslim, going to the mosque and so on. My father is a muslim; my mother is a Christian, so she won't really care. But my father flipped his lid when my sister threatened to marry a Hindu and stopped talking to her for months. Since my crime (apostasy) is worse, I expect a similar reaction from him.

My plan is not to criticize Islam, but just to say that I am now an atheist, with almost no other explanation, except to say that I cannot make myself believe in it. Perhaps, by e-mail. Sound good?What would you do?

Instead, If I were you, I would sensitise him over a period of time possibily creating doubts in his mind. I would get into arguments by asking for explanations for things which make one uncomfortable about islam. That will give you a good indicator of how your family is going to react. Please do remember that pride can come in the way of many muslims because of community pressure. I would e.g not pray and if asked why, I would just reply that I have been praying for last x days that no person gets killed in the name of Allah but still scores were killed, most of them muslims.

Also, if anyone has stories about how muslim friends and family reacted when they found out, I would like to hear them.

I am not sure if postive reaction from some can be extrapolated to many. You will have a better understanding of your families religiousity and temperament.
For some, it has been a revelation that their parents also did not give a damn about Islam but kept it to themselves. For some, the consequences have been fatal but for most, it is a nightmare, I suppose.

I don't know how soon I will do this. I may do it soon because it might affect my plans for the summer (i.e. whether I can visit my parents or not), which need to be sorted out.

As long as you do not let a transient lull in relationships affect you, you shall be fine.

[iffo]

YeeZee
you quite often use improper words when it is not needed dear iffo., don't be silly

What do mean by "do not bark"? How do you bark at you parents?? Give me an example of such Barking.

Suppose you were in the same position as "sword_of_truth"., How do you tell them?? write few words..

you want me to write the whole script for sword_of_truth for his parents.

Well if you say so I would say ' I don't believe in Islam anymore, there is something wrong in this whole picture, my heart say Muhammad (pbuh) was not a prophet'

As far as barking, you know what barking is, you see barking on this site all the time ....

sword_of_truth if you use my script you pay me $31 dollars for that

[yeezevee]

Ha! To start with that is a Damn good response from iffo., I go to explore bit more..

you want me to write the whole script for sword_of_truth for his parents.

Well yes., That is exactly what I want you to spell .

Well if you say so I would say 'I don't believe in Islam anymore, there is something wrong in this whole picture, my heart say Muhammad (pbuh) was not a prophet'

That is great a start

sword_of_truth if you use my script you pay me $31 dollars for that

You are So cheap dear iffo., Is that the cost of internet connection?? ..lol..

Let us go little further down.. To recap the hypothetical discussion

Dad : Well it is Friday Son.. let us go and visit Mosque
Son: Dad.. I am busy and I have to complete some Projects ( such as writing in to forums like ffi against Islam & Muslim (lol) .. that is in devil's mind)
Dad says: What? You are a changed man.. You have changed a lot since you left home. Why? Are you not readin Quran??
Son: No.. No.. Father I am regularly reading Quran., Actually once I left home I am reading Quran more than I used to read before I was in home.
Dad: Then what is the problem ??? Then let us to Mosque and pray ....

So that is good starting point of conversation between father and Son.

Now., Dear iffo., DO you mean say on that same first day., The Son has to tell father your SHOCKING WORDS?
"I don't believe in Islam anymore, there is something wrong in this whole picture, my heart say Muhammad (pbuh) was not a prophet'

That sounds really Shocking to me., Actually they sound like Barking at Dad.

Why do you want to go to Muhammad., Can't you start the discussion without going to Muhammad or using the word Muhammad??

So dear iffo, can you come up with a bit better and softer way of telling family? You know that will be very useful conversation with-in family .. The idea is doing things without hurting people., at the same time firm in your belief and telling them that their faith Islam has a serious problems..

with best wishes
yeezevee

[Eliphaz]

Dear Sword_of_Truth

As your post from awhile back I don't know if this is still relevant. If you have already gone through with it I hope it went well.

I experienced what you are talking about last october when my family basically discovered I had left Islam. I kept a kind of "faith journal" and, well, I stupidly left it lying around and it contained the exact words "I have now pretty much left Islam." When my mother read this (Muslim mothers, as you know, very intrusive) she was seriously knocked for a loop. Kind of serves her right for being nosy I suppose but anyway...

What ensued was the kind of discussion you are talking about, and one I suppose everyone who "comes out" has to face, except my family already knew. So it started with my sister and I. She asked me why, and I explained. It all actually came tumbling out something like "muhammadsleptwith9yearoldgirlhadslavewifesandthequranisfulloflies" which is not really the ideal case scenario to be honest. My situation is different to yours, I am still in university near home so not financially independent yet (I am assuming you are?) so in your case there is not so much problem of "coming out" as there was for me.

1. Not criticising Islam is a great starting point. Using phrases like "I cannot chose to believe in anything that my mind cannot accept" and "I have nothing against Muhammad personally, but..." are useful. I made the mistake of trying to convince my sister I was right at the start, which is a mistake, because that immediately ends the discussion.

2. For them, this is like pulling the rug out from under their feet. Try to do it as slowly and gradually as possibly. Try to avoid using the word "atheist" at all. Just say "I do not feel I can practice Islam right now, I have not decided". If they call you a kafir just tell them "God knows best" (I was told I was possessed by a jinn but you just have to take it on the chin)