Spreading Islam in America..I get it now

[lioness]

So a Muslim man comes to America, hating our country but wanting to do what will make Allah proud of him (spreading Islam)..finds an innocent, searching woman here, tells her how wonderful Islam is, gets her to convert, marries her, has lots of kids, and then eventually she can't stand his being controlling, dominating, fanatical, treating her as a second class citizen...she loses her joy, her love and respect for him and for Islam..then comes the divorce. He will criticize her no matter how hard she tries to please him, say she is a bad mother and go for full custody, try to give her nothing, try to turn the children against her, alienate her from her family, and in many cases disappear with the kids. Or, move the family there and then ship the wife back to U.S. but refuse to let the kids go. Is this the plan of many Muslim men who come here from other countries? Are they doing it just to help spread Islam all over the world, especially the US which they hate because we are free, believe in free thinking and choice of religion? Just wondering!!
I begged my daughter not to marry him, not to follow Islam...now ten years later he wants to destroy her, and raise the kids in his care so they will be good Muslims. He has a good lawyer, she has no money, as she has been a full time mom. I think he planned it all along...Am I right or do you think I am wrong?

[manfred]

Of course he has planned for the eventuality of a potential divorce. It is no co-incident that he did not go to have the marriage registered. He knew exactly what he was doing.

Good lawyer of not, it would be incredible if he got custody of the children. It simply would be crazy. How exactly does he propose to look after them? Children are not property. They are people. The are entitled to the best care that can be given to them. In fact, if he turns up with an expensive lawyer, and your daughter has no money to have one, what would you think if you were the judge? Don't you think that says a lot?

Any family court judge will have heard the "bad mother" lament a thousand times, and will be a whole lot less impressed than you are by such stuff. He will need proof. Your daughter is NOT required to prove that she is a "good" mother in the eyes of her (still) husband. The burden of proof is on the one who made the claim, that is her husband. All she need needs to do is to tell the judge that she loves her children, that she as always taken very good care of them, and that she is able to continue to do so in the future. She does not have to rich to be a good mother. She has to be patient, caring, and committed, and she has to be physically and mentally able, all things assumed by the court unless there is evidence to the opposite. And she has to have a plan. She needs to tell the court HOW she will look after the kids. Where will they live? What about school? How will they pay the bills? You and any other family and friends she has can help with that. The more detailed and realistic the plan is, the better.


She should also not be afraid to mention how she has been treated and why she wants out, and why she wants something better for herself and her children. Sure, offer access, even agree not to feed pork to the kids, if that comes up, but ask for financial help and for a fair separation of goods. If he moans that she will not ensure that the children will be proper Muslims, the best reply is that, no she will not insist that they will follow any particular religion, but she will ensure they learn enough about religions to be able to choose for themselves when they are old enough. Remember, she does not need to satisfy her husbands demands, she only needs to show the judge the obvious: that she is the best person to look after the kids.

If the question of access comes up, she needs to show a little strength: Yes, access is fine, but she would worry that her children may get whisked away to a foreign country. She would prefer SUPERVISED access, at least to begin with.

Finally, she should leave all the aggression and hate to her husband. However she feels about him, the court is a bad place to show anger. He will throw around accusations, and all should be answered calmly and honestly. He who points fingers needs to have a close look at his own hand: for the one finger pointing at others, three point at yourself. The more he runts and raves about his wife and you, the less impressed the judge will be, good lawyer or not.

If he claims that he never really married your daughter, it would be fair to ask if he considered the marriage valid under Islamic Shariah law. He will HAVE to say yes to that, so then your daughter can argue that BOTH she AND her husband agree they had a common law marriage.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It is going to painful, and there will be tears. But it will get better, slowly and surely. Hang on in there...

[Ariel]

Good luck for your daughter and for you lioness .Manfred told you everything you must remember.

Great advise Manfred.

[lioness]

The lawyer she was referred to is on vacation this week.. but the secretary felt sure as it was an emergency the lawyer would call her yesterday..but he did not, and today no one called. She came home from cleaning a lady's house today and he and the kids were walking out the door, He said to take to where his sisters live a couple hours away to visit...WITHOUT ASKING! She argued with him and he agreed to wait until tomorrow. ?? She said now the kids are mad at her. He supposedly cant leave the country cos of his papers..but I don't know if that is true..He has not been awarded custody yet, so how can he just take them out of town for "four days"without their mother/s permission? I wonder if she could call police? But if she "allowed" him to go, then it isn't kidnapping? She said she agreed, finally, so it would show she will allow the kids to keep ties with his family, which he has already said HE will not do. I need to find out if what he did is illegal during a divorce. ANYONE KNOW?

[manfred]

1) Are there school holidays at this moment of time in the US? If not, then it is unreasonable to take the children out of school for a visit. Inform the school what is going on so that they don't get duped by him into collecting the children. Make sure that they do not go to school or home from school on their own.

2) She needs to to try her best to explain the problem to the kids. He will try a charm offence on them. If he takes them out, there will be ice cream by the ton-load, toys, presents, movies and anything else a kid may want. This is to deceive them into thinking life will be like that if they live with him.

3) At the moment the the legal situation is that BOTH have custody of the children, so yes, he can make decisions about the kids, and unfortunately he and your daughter are still expected to find an agreement in the interest of the children. This is not always possible, obviously.

4) There is a clear danger that the children may be taken abroad. Make sure YOU have all their papers securely locked in a place he will not dare or know about to access. This sudden "visit" may at best be a "charm offensive" to turn her children against her mother (and that seem to be already working...) but it could very easily be something even more sinister.

Yes, this is has the potential to turn very nasty, and she needs a lawyer as a matter of urgency, to get an injunction against the children being removed from her.

If this is tricky at the moment, get your daughter and children to stay with you, and make sure he cannot enter the house. Don't let them go anywhere on their own. If that is impractical, stay with her, or get someone to do that.