OK,
even though a bit personal, I think I want to share this because I am lost at what else I can say...
A friend of mine sent me an email from Indonesia. He is exhausted. His grandma is over 90 and doubly incontinent. He also lives with his sick mom who has gout, and his blind father. He looks after ALL of them. I send them a little money every month and that is all they have to live on. I have done for over 10 years.
The incontinence problem is a relatively new one, and it is hugely complicated by the old lady's insistence to pray five times a day. She can only do so sitting down, but she is adamant to be ritually clean, so my friend needs to wash her over and over, many times a day.
I suggested aids like incontinence pads or even a catheter, maybe some "rubber pants" as well to make caring for her manageable. None of these ideas are acceptable to the old lady, because they would interfere with her prayers.
How can I get it into her head that God loves her the way she is, and will not reject sincere prayers, pads or no pads. It really cannot go on much longer. My friend is completely knackered. I have offered to travel out there to give him a break, but I would not be an acceptable carer for the old lady, and they don't want some kafir staying in the house.
I know this sounds mad, but maybe someone has an idea on what to do?