Online Support Group for Families Left Behind??

[Nicky18]

Hey everyone,

I am a very liberal Christian woman, who lived with another liberal man for 5 years (he was then practicing an African religion - Orisha). Please note as well, I live in the Caribbean and have had many Muslim friends and neighbours. So experience has really been limited to moderate Muslims, since fundamentalism and extremism is rare here. My country is multicultural and multi-ethnic and have quite a mixing and intermarrying of peoples. Which is why my situation seems such a surprise and painful one at that.

We have both been anti "organised religion" and his former religion was practiced in secrecy because people see African religions as "devil-worshiping" - so far from the truth. Anyway, I have no problems respecting person's choice of religion, have never discriminated against people and have participated in many worship sessions and other events at mandirs, mosques, churches etc. While I know Christians will not see me as a "real Christian," I am who I am because my way of seeing life and my world view is strongly Christian-based and I've read and studied the bible extensively.

That said, I had suspicions when my partner decide to become Muslim, but I supported his need to search for something he felt was true, would gave him more discipline and focus in life and would offer him a supportive brotherhood he lacked as a child. I think truth is an individual part that each person has to experience and I understand his search. I am myself very spiritual and NOT AT ALL RELIGIOUS, so I see each person as created and loved by a God/dess and thus equally worthy and my love and respect.

I have however, become un-marriable, unworthy, and have been formally rejected as a potential spouse (we had previously planned to get married before he became Muslim) and now I have lost not just my lover and partner, but my best friend, and my children have lost a father figure; not to mention he left his job because it was the construction of a bank and Muslims have nothing to do with western banking systems. My whole world has fallen apart, not to mention my financial state is in almost in shambles (thing is I supported him for many years, paid for his education and I was the sole breadwinner for most of our time together, which I had no problem with, but now that it was my turn to stay at home and be supported, he is gone).

We have spent years building a relationship, making plans and growing together and now I feel cheated and empty and lost and betrayed. I can't compete with Allah, whom he has to follow otherwise he will face damnation. Being with me is apparently equal to being damned: I am not a "pious" untouched Christian, Muslim or Jewish woman (these I am told are the only kinds Muslim men are allowed to marry). I had to convert to Islam, to keep my relationship, which I refuse to do since it is not my truth nor a path I am comfortable with for myself. I would have had to agree to him marry more than one wife, and I would be forbidden from being with all my male friends, I would have to change my dress code, and I would have to leave my chosen profession and life work - Performing Arts.

I do not understand what has happened to the free-thinking, analytical, tolerant and loving person I have shared my life with for 5 years (I knew him for seven years). All of a sudden, everything is wrong with me that makes me unclean and unworthy of being his wife. We shared and cried and struggled through so much to achieve things together as a couple and this hits me from nowhere!!!

Are there others out there who have had this experience?? How did you cope and get over it? Has anyone ever had their spouse or partner "come to their senses" and come back home? (Mind you, I'm not waiting or putting my life on hold for that probably impossible miracle). But are there support groups for this kind of thing?? To make matters worse, it has triggered a depression episode (I am diagnosed with clinical depression) and I'm struggling to function on a daily basis. Any advice would be welcomed. I am trying to understand.

[Ariel]

I am sorry you have to go through all this sorrow and pain Nicky. I wish I could give you some advise, but the only thing I can say to you is, better let him go, and go on with your own life.
I am sure you will meet someone one day who is worthy of your love.
Good luck girl, and stay strong.

Regards.
Ariel

[Marie]

My best advice is to seek counseling and move on with your life.

[Ozes]

Sorry to say, but he is not a good man for you. He allows Allah's judgement of you to be more important then his own. I'm not sure how much you know about Allah and his messenger, but Islam contradicts anything you, and other good person values.

Muhammed, the slavetrader, a rapist, a warmongerer and a pedophile, and his god Allah, a god which spends verse after verse discussing who he hates, misguides and sends to hell for his own amusement.

Also, a man which you need to support financially, is bound to have a reason too not mind a women supporting him. I doubt there is any happy marriage in the world which started with a man allowing his love to take care of him.

Islam has no love for women, and your friend now believes he will be awarded two houris (sex-slaves) when he dies. Naturally a women will get no such thing, and i doubt any respectable women has the desire too. Imagine a man dreaming about his Islamic reward of two sex slaves when he dies, when he supposedly loves a woman!

Love can hurt, but Islam hurts a lot more.

[Ozes]

I think you just need to get over it as any relationship which, despites many good times breaks up. Islam is a very difficult subject to tackle. I do not know any cases where someone reverts due to influence of loved ones or friends.

Islam forbids Muslims to listen or even be close to unbelievers (surah 3:118/etc). It strictly warns agains friendships, love or taking advice from a non-muslim. If anyone knows any cases, please make this a informative thread for all of us.