Telling a Muslim I do not wish to discuss religion

Share your experiences of having a Muslim in a relationship, as a friend or family member
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Jimmergirl
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:39 pm

Telling a Muslim I do not wish to discuss religion

Post by Jimmergirl »

I am a westerner who was raised Catholic. I am currently working in a Muslim country and living with a Muslim family. I love my family here, and they treat me very, very well. Though I am not a devout Christian, I still have faith and believe in God. My "uncle" is adamant about sharing Islam with me, and urges me to seek "truths." I have no problem, on my own, reading about Islam so that I can better understand the religion, but I have no interest becoming Muslim. I know that his sharing of Islam comes from his heart, because he is devout and is concerned about me. He believes that since I am not Muslim, I will not enter "his" Heaven. I have told him that in Christianity it works a little differently. He believes that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam all share the same God, but apparently "our" Heaven is different. He truly feels like we are family, as do I, but it is still difficult because of the religious differences. I lived here last year with another Muslim family, and never once did they try to discuss Islam with me, only to help me understand the religion when I had questions. Though my "big sister" says that one day she does hope I become Muslim, I do not take much offense to this.

On the other hand, my "uncle" tries to engage me in conversation about the Quran, creationism, Darwinism, and religion every so often. I understand that he just wants to share his religion with me because he is faithful, and that to him there's no difference between this and telling me about a good movie he watched or book he read. But sometimes I get very frustrated with the situation. I have explained to him that discussing religion is not something we do in the West, especially one's personal beliefs. I have told him that most families do not sit down and discuss religious beliefs with each other, let alone friends. I told him that this is not something I do with my brother or mother, let alone my extended family. And I definitely do not discuss my friends' religious beliefs with them - my friends come from all religious backgrounds: Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc. I have let him know that this topic is taboo in my culture and does make me feel somewhat uncomfortable. I had expressed my frustration to him about the Catholic's stance on birth control. He said that one can not pick and choose what parts of a religion in which we believe. In that way, I definitely disagree with the reasoning why a woman should wear a foulard/abaya, praying five times a day, or not drinking alcohol or smoking. I understand that most woman who were one choose to do so on their own, but I think the reasoning is quite flawed - if God made all of us, why should I have to cover myself? I am told that a woman needs to protect herself from men, who may do something to her because of her beauty - how is my beauty, which was given to me by God, my fault? It is the men that need to reform their ways. I feel this way about Islam, so therefore according to his logic, I shouldn't practice the religion.

He says to me that he is just giving me advice/information. He says, "What would you say if I asked you to give me advice?" Honestly, in my culture, it's not my place to give someone advice, especially with such an open-ended question. If someone asks me to give advice about how to apply to a western university or about a guy they're dating, that's completely different - but either way, I would never presume that I know what is best for them. In my opinion, when you give someone unsolicited advice, it's like you're saying you see something wrong with what they are doing. He tells me that it's not like he is right and I am wrong, or the other way around, but I feel like in this instance it is black and white like that, and I am in the "wrong." I have mentioned my being a little uncomfortable about this before, and he feels hurt that as a family, we are unable to discuss religion. He said, "So we are just going to discuss the weather, movies, television, etc?" (Obviously this is quite a simplistic interpretation by him.)

He likes to give me evidence of how true/powerful the Quran is, and then wants to discuss what I think about it afterwords. He recently sent me an email explaining how in the Quran's discussion of bees, they use the feminine form of the verb to talk about some of the bees' actions. From him: "In Arabic, there are two different usages of verbs. By means of the usage, it is possible to determine whether the subject is a female or a male. As a matter of fact, the verbs (italic words) used for the honey bee in the verses are used in the format of the verb for females. Through this, the Qur'an indicates that the honey bees that work in the making of the honey are females!!! We should not forget that it is impossible for this fact to have been known about the honey bees in the time of the Prophet Muhammad (saas). Yet, Allah has pointed at this fact and shown us yet another miracle of the Qur'an."

I totally respect his faith and know that he is devoted to his religion, but I feel frustrated when he tries to share it with me. I told him that I am happy with my life and my religion. He told me, "Well, a robber who steals is happy with the money he gets." I know he is not directly comparing me to a robber, but his comparison is frustrating nonetheless. We speak in English, and since it is not his first language, I know sometimes there are vocabulary issues that may be the fault of miscommunication. I really love my "second" family here very much, and in no way wish to make them upset, especially since I live with them. But I am growing weary of having to listen to these "proofs" and worrying if I'm going to hurt his feelings. Can anyone give me advice [yes, I am asking for advice :) ] about how to speak with him about this? I know he is just trying to share what he loves, and that he is concerned about me. I would like to be able to tell him that I wish to not discuss my personal religious beliefs, without him feeling like I have "slapped him in the face." Thank you for any help you can give me.

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Ansar al-Zindiqi
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Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 2:35 am
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Re: Telling a Muslim I do not wish to discuss religion

Post by Ansar al-Zindiqi »

Jimmergirl wrote:I totally respect his faith and know that he is devoted to his religion, but I feel frustrated when he tries to share it with me.
Why the hell are you living with Muslims? It's 2012 and plenty of people have had more than their fair share of bad experiences with them but you seem to have ignored all the warning signs and now you're looking for advice from us? :???: You know damn well that most of us would tell you to get out of that house and get out of that country too. More than ten years after 9-11 and the pathological naivete of westerners thinking they are "hip" can still be found in such great quantities. Get a life girl and go!
Don't be a believer but a heretic unto yourself.

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Ariel
Posts: 7550
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 1:34 am
Location: The Netherlands

Re: Telling a Muslim I do not wish to discuss religion

Post by Ariel »

Hi Jimmergirl. Welcome to the forum

Tell him you have seen Jesus in a dream , and he ( Jesus) told you that every time when you get advice/information about Islam, you have ( aloud )to pray the Lord's Prayer .

Do you know the Lords Prayer ?

"Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name.
Your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil."


That deliver us from evil you must repeat 5 times after every prayer, and when you are finished, you must make the sign of the cross,.

My bet is that your “uncle“ immediately will stop trying to convert you.
The heart of the wise inclines to the right,
but the heart of the fool to the left.

Jimmergirl
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2012 12:39 pm

Re: Telling a Muslim I do not wish to discuss religion

Post by Jimmergirl »

Haha, as I Catholic, the Lord's Prayer is most definitely ingrained in me!

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Ariel
Posts: 7550
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 1:34 am
Location: The Netherlands

Re: Telling a Muslim I do not wish to discuss religion

Post by Ariel »

Jimmergirl wrote:Haha, as I Catholic, the Lord's Prayer is most definitely ingrained in me!

;) Good. Another thing you can do is swing a string of garlic in his face every time when he start to tell you about his wonderful, peaceful religion.

Joking dear. But I sympathize with you . I am glad I do not have such an "uncle", and that I do not live in a house full of Muslims who are praying 5 times a day, and only eat halal stuff.
I wish you courage and good luck.
The heart of the wise inclines to the right,
but the heart of the fool to the left.

yeezevee
Posts: 6547
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 9:17 pm

Re: Telling a Muslim I do not wish to discuss religion

Post by yeezevee »

Jimmergirl wrote:..............Can anyone give me advice [yes, I am asking for advice :) ] about how to speak with him about this? I know he is just trying to share what he loves, and that he is concerned about me. I would like to be able to tell him that I wish to not discuss my personal religious beliefs, without him feeling like I have "slapped him in the face." Thank you for any help you can give me.....
Hmm Jimmergirl., So you are a Christian and your uncle is Muslim.. What happened to him?/ did he convert to Islam or did you convert to Christianity??

Well make some little posters and stick them on your desk, on your books and on the door of your room., and may be make necklace put it around you neck whenever he is around.. It should go something like some sort of Golden rule..
Image

Or

Don't Do Unto Others
As You would not have them do unto you


Or

Don't Interferer with others Faith
as you don't want them to interfere with your faith


Or

Don't preach your faith to others
as you don't want them to preach their faith to you
So make a necklace with one of those statements and put it around your neck whenever he comes to talk to you.. :lol: That should solve the problem and it is very polite..

with best wishes
yeezevee

ringmaster
Posts: 1679
Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2010 11:36 pm

Re: Telling a Muslim I do not wish to discuss religion

Post by ringmaster »

Jimmergirl wrote:I am a westerner who was raised Catholic. I am currently working in a Muslim country and living with a Muslim family. I love my family here, and they treat me very, very well. Though I am not a devout Christian, I still have faith and believe in God. My "uncle" is adamant about sharing Islam with me, and urges me to seek "truths." I have no problem, on my own, reading about Islam so that I can better understand the religion, but I have no interest becoming Muslim. I know that his sharing of Islam comes from his heart, because he is devout and is concerned about me. He believes that since I am not Muslim, I will not enter "his" Heaven. I have told him that in Christianity it works a little differently. He believes that Christianity, Judaism, and Islam all share the same God, but apparently "our" Heaven is different. He truly feels like we are family, as do I, but it is still difficult because of the religious differences. I lived here last year with another Muslim family, and never once did they try to discuss Islam with me, only to help me understand the religion when I had questions. Though my "big sister" says that one day she does hope I become Muslim, I do not take much offense to this.

On the other hand, my "uncle" tries to engage me in conversation about the Quran, creationism, Darwinism, and religion every so often. I understand that he just wants to share his religion with me because he is faithful, and that to him there's no difference between this and telling me about a good movie he watched or book he read. But sometimes I get very frustrated with the situation. I have explained to him that discussing religion is not something we do in the West, especially one's personal beliefs. I have told him that most families do not sit down and discuss religious beliefs with each other, let alone friends. I told him that this is not something I do with my brother or mother, let alone my extended family. And I definitely do not discuss my friends' religious beliefs with them - my friends come from all religious backgrounds: Christian, Jewish, Muslim, etc. I have let him know that this topic is taboo in my culture and does make me feel somewhat uncomfortable. I had expressed my frustration to him about the Catholic's stance on birth control. He said that one can not pick and choose what parts of a religion in which we believe. In that way, I definitely disagree with the reasoning why a woman should wear a foulard/abaya, praying five times a day, or not drinking alcohol or smoking. I understand that most woman who were one choose to do so on their own, but I think the reasoning is quite flawed - if God made all of us, why should I have to cover myself? I am told that a woman needs to protect herself from men, who may do something to her because of her beauty - how is my beauty, which was given to me by God, my fault? It is the men that need to reform their ways. I feel this way about Islam, so therefore according to his logic, I shouldn't practice the religion.

He says to me that he is just giving me advice/information. He says, "What would you say if I asked you to give me advice?" Honestly, in my culture, it's not my place to give someone advice, especially with such an open-ended question. If someone asks me to give advice about how to apply to a western university or about a guy they're dating, that's completely different - but either way, I would never presume that I know what is best for them. In my opinion, when you give someone unsolicited advice, it's like you're saying you see something wrong with what they are doing. He tells me that it's not like he is right and I am wrong, or the other way around, but I feel like in this instance it is black and white like that, and I am in the "wrong." I have mentioned my being a little uncomfortable about this before, and he feels hurt that as a family, we are unable to discuss religion. He said, "So we are just going to discuss the weather, movies, television, etc?" (Obviously this is quite a simplistic interpretation by him.)

He likes to give me evidence of how true/powerful the Quran is, and then wants to discuss what I think about it afterwords. He recently sent me an email explaining how in the Quran's discussion of bees, they use the feminine form of the verb to talk about some of the bees' actions. From him: "In Arabic, there are two different usages of verbs. By means of the usage, it is possible to determine whether the subject is a female or a male. As a matter of fact, the verbs (italic words) used for the honey bee in the verses are used in the format of the verb for females. Through this, the Qur'an indicates that the honey bees that work in the making of the honey are females!!! We should not forget that it is impossible for this fact to have been known about the honey bees in the time of the Prophet Muhammad (saas). Yet, Allah has pointed at this fact and shown us yet another miracle of the Qur'an."

I totally respect his faith and know that he is devoted to his religion, but I feel frustrated when he tries to share it with me. I told him that I am happy with my life and my religion. He told me, "Well, a robber who steals is happy with the money he gets." I know he is not directly comparing me to a robber, but his comparison is frustrating nonetheless. We speak in English, and since it is not his first language, I know sometimes there are vocabulary issues that may be the fault of miscommunication. I really love my "second" family here very much, and in no way wish to make them upset, especially since I live with them. But I am growing weary of having to listen to these "proofs" and worrying if I'm going to hurt his feelings. Can anyone give me advice [yes, I am asking for advice :) ] about how to speak with him about this? I know he is just trying to share what he loves, and that he is concerned about me. I would like to be able to tell him that I wish to not discuss my personal religious beliefs, without him feeling like I have "slapped him in the face." Thank you for any help you can give me.
He probably wants "Nikah" with you. He will tell you that it means "marriage". It really just means "sexual intercourse".

I agree with Ansar. Show some self respect and get the hell out of the house AND the country.
The prophet of Islam was nothing more than a common criminal.

Please tell me if this is accurate:

“I have fabricated things against God and have imputed to Him words which He has not spoken.”
~MUHAMMAD (Al-Tabari 6:111)

Jimi
Posts: 552
Joined: Sun Sep 18, 2011 4:55 am

Re: Telling a Muslim I do not wish to discuss religion

Post by Jimi »

If you are in his house you must listen. If you are in the states you can tell his you don't want to hear it. Good luck
May the example of pbuh guild you to the truth.

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