My Aunt, how do I react to her?

[mrperq]

Good evening everyone.


For context,
I am a 25y old boy from some country in Europe, hailing from a moderatly
Catholic Christian family. While beeing baptized, and probably going to
marry (in a church) some day, this is, like most of the people living in
this part of the world, more tradition than faith.

During my youth, I have givven religion an honest chance. Unlike most
faithfull christians (like my parents, grandparents, ...), I did read
the Bible. While agreeing to some parts of the 'life lessons' within
the Bible (for example the advice to learn a hungry man to fish, instead
of catching a fish for said man.), most of the divine stuff are pretty
fairytales to me at best.

But my convictions are not the reason I came to this site for advice.
I know what I believe in, I'm actually pretty happy, and I never felt any
void in my life I needed to fill with one or more artificial gods.


But my faith, or more accurate lack thereoff, is not why I came to this
site.

Manny years ago, before I was born, one of my Aunts met a muslim Egyptian,
who was at the time studying here. After he finishing his studies, my Uncle
got a job in Kuwait. They moved there, she converted to Islam, and gave birth
to 4 beautifull children.

Every once in a year, at the Holidays, come visit my grandmother for a month.
At first, they where verry moderate. Slowly but sure they became more and
more serious about their religion. At first they became mad when someone popped
a bottle of whine. A few years later, my aunt came, her hears covered. (My
12y old niece looks this way too now.) Initially, if it wasn't pork, they
where happy about their diet. Last year however, my grandmother had to throw
away expensive steak, enouph to feed 10 people for two weeks, to make room
in the freezer for their Halal meet they brought in from the city.
(Ok, my parents ended up with a freezer full of meat, but still.)

No need to convince you, this has caused manny frictions and annoyances.
Mostly however, we just accept these annoyances. After all, all together,
they really are kind and wonderfull people, whoom I love and hold verry
dear. (The fact they do these things out of stupidity, not ill will,
makes it easier to endure too.)

These frictions however have caused my to, ocasionally, make a few jokes about
their faith. (Which they take VERRY serious. Appearantly arabs dont joke about
religion, not even Jews.) Last year I joked about creationism (Evolution cannot
possibly have happened, the idea such complex structures to have come without help
is moronic, but some bearded magician throwing around some magic bolts is surely
the most intelligent theorie ever), science (And how science will kill the Islam,
as it killed Christianity.), and the like.

This year, she got a present for me. A 5-page long hand-written letter, accompanied
by a book claiming the science in Islam. I dont require any help to understand
why its bollocks. Much like a Horoscope, you can, thorugh 'creative' interpretation
derive any answer you want, true or false, if you look hard enouph. I dont
know how I can make an abvious truth visible to the blind though.

What I do want advice on is, how should I react to this? My initial thought was
I'll write a letter back, pointing out all her mistakes. Not to make fun of her,
not to insult her, nor to try to make her loose her faith and get destabilized.
My second thought was, it contains so manny mistakes, it will probably take me ages
to point all of them out. I do have a job you know. Even if I do finish summing them
up, they'll probably bend their mind a bit and blame my conclusions on propaganda,
wrong interpretations and/or faulty translations.

Should I react to this letter, and if so how should I do this on a respectfull
way? Keep in mind I really like these people. Screwing up my bond to these
people would hurt me far more than the annoyances their religion present me.

[Ram]

mrperq, it is interesting post. You have several options.

- Argue with her about her religion.

- Ask questions. Listen to her answer. Then ask her question again, so on. One question will lead to another. There is no end to it. Of course you will have to read up on Islam.

- Condemn her religion. That will make her mad, but so what.

- Show her what you find in the Quran, the Hadith etc. Ask her to clarify. Which will lead to more discussion.

- Just ignore what your aunt and uncle say about Islam. Change the subject. Make light of it with few harmless jokes.

- Don't give in her demands about the wine, pork etc. She has no right to tell what you can have in your house. Just tell her she does not have to drink it.

[Sten]

- Don't give in her demands about the wine, pork etc. She has no right to tell what you can have in your house. Just tell her she does not have to drink it.

This.

It's not just religious people who expect other people to accommadate their new lifestyle, vegans, health nuts, and people who hate or love particular types of music do it too. My cousin went through a stage where she decided she was a vegan, and she would get offended when people ate meat or used animal products around her. It seems to be human nature for people who radically change their lives to become self-centred and expect everyone else to fit in around them. Remind her that this is not her house and that she should adopt the "when in Rome" attitude, to fit in with everyone else. When recieving hospitality, one should not make demands on their gracious host, but happily accept what they are given without complaint. She is not doing you a favour by attending your family gatherings, she is joining in and sharing with everyone. Like my cousin, she obviously needs to learn this important distinction.

Islam is designed to put new converts at odds with their families and others by preventing them from eating together and sharing activities, but this is not necessarily the way it has to be. Your Aunt feels special and exotic for converting to Islam but that shouldn't mean that she rubs everyone up the wrong way in doing so. The problem is that she is convinced that her way is the right way, and you are all doing it the wrong way. She just needs reminding that everyone has different ideas of what they want from life.

Should I react to this letter, and if so how should I do this on a respectfull
way?

No you should not. Do not reply to the letter, do not talk to her about it, and if she asks you about it, give her a non-committal answer and change the subject. Converts and born-agains tend to be fanatical about their adopted beliefs, and you will not change her mind, you will only succeed in pushing her away. The best idea is to make sure she understands that religion is a no-go zone and that you are not interested in discussing it with her. Make it clear that her beliefs are hers, and your beliefs are yours, and that it is unacceptable for her to try to push her beliefs on everyone else. If you encourage her by giving this behaviour attention, she will never cease. If you pick holes in her ignorance, she will become offended. Take my advice and stay the hell away from talking about it altogether.

[Garudaman]

Should I react to this letter, and if so how should I do this on a respectfull
way? Keep in mind I really like these people. Screwing up my bond to these
people would hurt me far more than the annoyances their religion present me.

reason why she do that, it's because she care/love with you, not because...

What I do want advice on is, how should I react to this? My initial thought was
I'll write a letter back, pointing out all her mistakes. Not to make fun of her,
not to insult her, nor to try to make her loose her faith and get destabilized.

...she angry/mad with you
so, you should say thanks to her (w/ phone or letter), because her care/love

[Wootah]

Love, patience and kindness but be firm on boundaries. When they leave Islam they will feel quite embarrassed and will need a family that does not condemn them.

[Ram]

...she angry/mad with you
so, you should say thanks to her (w/ phone or letter), because her care/love

Garudaman.........she wants to impose her ideology on mrperq's grandmother, her mother. That is not love. Love is Live and let Live. As a Muslim, you do not understand the basics of tolerance.

Imagine the mrperq's aunt were born a Muslim and became a Christian, she would have been killed. She converted to Islam, still her Christian family welcomes her and accomodate her. Instead of appreciating the generosity of her Christian family, she is becoming abnoxious. Is that love? I don't think so.

That's the problem with Muslims. You do not acknowledge that Christian relatives are accepting and tolerant, Instead you are making inane remarks in support of intolerant Muslim woman.

Garudaman, you suffer from typical Islamic disease of intolerance and bigotry. You are taught to hate.

What about she thanking her mother, sister and nephew for welcoming her and accepting her decision? Shouldn't she thank her mother when she stays in her mother's house?

[Jimi]

mrperq, it is interesting post. You have several options.

- Argue with her about her religion.

- Ask questions. Listen to her answer. Then ask her question again, so on. One question will lead to another. There is no end to it. Of course you will have to read up on Islam.

- Condemn her religion. That will make her mad, but so what.

- Show her what you find in the Quran, the Hadith etc. Ask her to clarify. Which will lead to more discussion.

- Just ignore what your aunt and uncle say about Islam. Change the subject. Make light of it with few harmless jokes.

- Don't give in her demands about the wine, pork etc. She has no right to tell what you can have in your house. Just tell her she does not have to drink it.

Ask her about rape and wife beatings. Quran 4.34 and 4.24 (I think). The rape thing really is the death nail for Islam.

[ringmaster]

Send your aunt stuff that makes the prophet look like the jerk that he was.

Show your aunt the hadith about muhammad having a gay lover and the one about her prophet bonking a dead woman.

Tell her the story about the prophet's pedophilia.

Show her verse 8-41 of the koran that says the prophet was a thief.

Send her a bottle of camel piss???

[Nazzim ibn Abu Talib]

I'd second what Sten has said. These who convert to Islam after studying it in depth and still finding no faults with it are just as fanatical as Osama. They won't listen to your logic. Quran 2:7 says it well enough. I've had correspondence with a few such brainwashed converts and they never listen logic. If you retort it won't bring her back, even if she wanted to be back (rare chance) she's got kids and lives in a Islamic country which complicates things. All you'd accomplish is souring your relationship.

But yes, don't give in to her demands either. mildly but subtly remind that she's a guest and she has to accept whatever you offer her. If she doesn't like non halal meat and wine, she can keep clear and eat veggies. Convince her you keep veg dishes separate from non veg and alcoholic stuff. Besides de facto anything non-pork is halal for Muslims so long it is done by Christians. Qur'an says the food of Christians and Jews is halal for muslims. The Halal tag is more of a commercial thing.

[capner]

" science (And how science will kill the Islam,
as it killed Christianity.), and the like.
Thats a hoot....What have you been smoking?