Hard times

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Renegade2009
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2009 1:42 pm

Hard times

Post by Renegade2009 »

It’s getting hard for me this days,I have always have problem with my parents all because we have different values, dreams and purpose.I always have that belief in my mind that I can be somebody like Andrew Carnegie, Henry Ford, Russell Simmons, John Lennon, Ted Turner and George Soros. Why? Because they have contributed a lot to the world.they help make changes in this world, they are my role models. I want to provide service to humanity so as to reap rewards out of it. Somebody that I will look in the mirror and be proud of who I am, live a good life, loving family and prosperity. I just want to be alright before I die.
But sometimes I wonder if my deistic belief affects my relationship with parents( I am not trying to be ungrateful to them because they have helped me finance my education) because I always have a quarrel with them if I fail to go to mosque(I still pretend to be a Muslim) or anything that goes against Islam. There were many instances in the early morning my father will come and yelled at me like a kid while I am asleep or doing something that I should get up and PRAY. it gets to the point that anytime he yelled at me I won’t go to the mosque and pray just to rile him up .what saddens me most is that we have never been close, they never bother to ask me how I am doing? Or what do I want to become in this life so that they can help me or support me. They never gave me a listening ear or emphathy( where else can I get those if not my parents). The only thing they care about is that I pray five times daily , always obey them without questioning them(that’s what the Islamic law states), attend sermon by an imam who will be telling how to pray well, how to perform a perfect ablution, how to slaughter a ram, how I should marry? What kind of woman to marry? , Also if you follow the laws of Islam you will go to heaven or hell if you don’t follow the laws.
I only pretend to pray just for them not to disturb me, I can’t even recalled the last time I did ablution, for what reason will I perform ablution that doesn’t make sense to me talk less of praying, Is god really that needy that I have to pray 5 times a day. He is not my girlfriend or my wife and I don’t think God needs that attention. He is way above that in my opinion.
If Everyone obeys his parents and follows their path without questioning them then he/she is deluded. They can’t control my life and tell me what to do or what not to do I am not like them and I can never be. I have my own mind, I have my dreams and goals and I can’t just abandon them just to follow my parents path so as to please Allah, which is something I don’t believe in the first place. I didn’t come here to this world so as to be like them; putting your priorities on work over your family, Being unfaithful to your wife, not having time to bond with your own children, not allowing your children to have freedom to express themselves and be themselves instead you find fault in them and complain about their weakness which makes them lowers their self esteem, and complain about life in general.” I don’t want to live this kind of live I want to be a better man than my father. I don’t want my life to be dictated by something I don’t believe in
Why would I go and listen to an imam’s sermon and blindly follow him without challenging him. when I have the books at my disposal and be able to interpret it to my own understanding. A man whose knowledge is only limited to Qur’an, Hadith, Sira and other Islamic teachings telling me how to live my life.

The question that lingers in my head is how long will I live like pretending to be a muslim? Sometimes I feel like saying what the hell?, let me just tell them the truth, but when I think of the consequences I get scared of what will happen to me.
How long will I live under this fear of losing my life over my newfound belief, it gets to the point that I am now lonely, hardly get along with people( majority are muslims)/.
I am just saying this because I have no one to talk to about this but myself, and this is the only way I can vent out my feelings

yeezevee
Posts: 6547
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 9:17 pm

Re: Hard times

Post by yeezevee »

I am just saying this because I have no one to talk to about this but myself, and this is the only way I can vent out my feelings
dear Renegade2009 there are 1000s of guys like you if not in millions. FFI is here .. we are here to read and interact.. So vent all the rants on the board but be peaceful in real life..

with best wishes
yeezevee

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enceladus
Posts: 2069
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 11:00 pm

Re: Hard times

Post by enceladus »

Hi Renegade2009 -

I'm sorry to hear that you've been finding things hard lately.
Keep dropping in here, ay. We will do all we can to support you.

I'm about to go off to work, but I'll be dropping in to this forum very often in the next few days.

Take care. All the best from me! Bye for now -
- enceladus

janedoe
Posts: 19
Joined: Sun Jul 04, 2010 12:14 am

Re: Hard times

Post by janedoe »

Hello there.. I really feel for you I do. Your gut is telling you to be and listen to your voice of reason and logic and I believe you have to get out and be yourself. I totally get what you mean with the whole 'things not making any logical sense' and why you should not be able to challenge, which brings us all to believe that this religion called Islam is more like a cult with blind sheep following. However I understand you don't want to disrespect your parents but this is your life, just like they teach you in islam that it will be you on your own standing at judgement day speaking for you and you only - this is YOUR life my friend and I hope you are able to get out and do your thing. There are a lot of very very supportive people on here - one thing that was suggested to me, was get some anonymous information sent to your parents 'against islam' either by post or email or something that will really make them read and ask questions to themselves and perhaps, the imam. I wish you all the best. take care. peace to you.

Renegade2009
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2009 1:42 pm

Re: Hard times

Post by Renegade2009 »

I am still scared that a time will come when i have to publicly declare my apostasy to my family and loved ones.
i am still trying to figure out how i am going to explain it to them without getting killed or abandoned, but the more i think about it the more depressed i become.still in college, i just have one more year to finish after that i am hoping to move out to a place where i can live my own life independently and not be discriminated for my new found belief.

Why i am feeling this way, because recently after my brother(a first born) got married to my first cousin which was encouraged by my family. my parents are now pressuring me to graduate with good results so that i can get a good job with a good pay so that i can settle down and get married since i am second born after my brother. we are five in the family by the way, i have 2 junior sisters and a brother
what they don't realize is that i am not interested in getting married to a boring good muslimah, personally i favour long term relationship with a woman that i am compatibile with before even considering marriage.
I am more lonelier than before because i am surrounded by muslims in the environment and i can't express myself or be myself with my independent mind that i have. My Mother is commiting her life to Islam more than anything else, she attends an islamic school every weekend from morning to late afternoon. she is involved in an Islamic charity organization and even wrote a book on Tajweed(she gave me the copy but i never read it). my immediate junior sister has followed my mother's path after she finished an islamic secondary school, in fact she has an important post and plays a key role in MSS(muslim student society) in her college. my junior brother and another sister are now in the same secondary school that my immediate sister has attended.
my issue is this
1. if my parents find out all hell will break loose, not only that they will come under a heavy criticism by our relatives and the society for not giving me a proper islamic education. though i know a time will come eventually but how can i handle it?.
2. what would i do if they pressure me to get married provided i finish college and have a job?.
3. how will my relationship with my childhood friends,closed friends and my relatives be after they become aware of apostasy?

all i want is to live my life independently and be who i am rather than live under this lie that will deceive my conscience. but the downside of it is that i will lose every friend(since most of them are muslims) that i have made, everything and be alienated by my loved ones.

this is just me ranting about my life, i know some of you are in a worse or the same condition as me, some are lucky to have a liberal parents who can accept them for who they are and continue their relationship.some have reverted without facing any of these problem.
i hope i don't sound boring to all of you reading this because apart from Humblesoul(who i have been keeping in touch on the phone) i don't have anyone to talk to about this things.

one thing i do know is that i can't remain like this forever because i have reach the point of revealing my apostasy but i don't know how i can handle the consequence of it, my main worry is how i will be able to cope and handle

haji mukmin
Posts: 31
Joined: Sun Jul 11, 2010 9:34 pm

Re: Hard times

Post by haji mukmin »

be patience and pray!
Image

Ram
Posts: 2136
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 4:40 am

Re: Hard times

Post by Ram »

haji mukmin wrote:be patience and pray!
Image
Don't waste your time. Prayers are useless. Read a book instead or listen to a song.
वासुदैव कुटुम्बकम्।
سارا سنسار ایک پریوار ہے۔
The Whole World is a Family.

iffo
Posts: 4696
Joined: Sat Jun 13, 2009 3:29 am
Contact:

Re: Hard times

Post by iffo »

@Renegade2009 which country you are at?

Mr Preet
Posts: 372
Joined: Thu Aug 13, 2009 1:17 pm

Re: Hard times

Post by Mr Preet »

haji mukmin wrote:be patience and pray!
Image
:D Just like dad huh Rene?

haji mukmin
Posts: 31
Joined: Sun Jul 11, 2010 9:34 pm

Re: Hard times

Post by haji mukmin »

Mr Preet wrote:
haji mukmin wrote:be patience and pray!
Image
:D Just like dad huh Rene?
:roflmao:

crazymonkie_
Posts: 1899
Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2009 7:01 am

Re: Hard times

Post by crazymonkie_ »

iffo wrote:@Renegade2009 which country you are at?
Renegade, don't answer that. Safety issues. Not to say that iffo's unsafe- he's one of the more level-headed people in this forum- but that's not the sort of information you want to give out.

When it comes to friends- you can always make more. Between the Internet and special interest clubs (a few random examples: biking, running, pottery, ultimate frisbee, bowling, creative writing) you can always find more friends. You might have some problems with cultural mismatching, but any halfway decent person will at least try to meet you halfway, if not further, when it comes to understanding you.

About family: I wish I could help you. Personally, because my family was the oddball branch that left its conservative roots and moved far away, it was always just my mom and dad, my brother and I. So family in the traditional sense has never been important to me. Family in a non-traditional sense, however- like a family that you'd make out of friends and lovers and whatever children you had- has appealed to me for a long time. It's something to look into, though it's definitely not for everyone. Or most, for that matter.

And it's incredibly difficult not to do it, but don't tell your family about your situation. It's not worth it to both have to finish your schooling and deal with the fallout from proscription. Most of the time, here in the US, there are only a few Christian groups (usually based in Calvinist-derived factions grouped together as the Baptists) who proscript those who leave the faith. I was never one of those, though I was Christian for a while (converted from indifferent to that), but that's the only analogous situation I can think about. And they don't have the extra bonus of being able to take their apostates, basically legally kidnap them and take them to their country of origin, and force them into religious schools and brutalize them until they revert.

Which brings up a question: Are your parents first generation immigrants? If so, be VERY careful when visiting or having them visit you. Always keep a friend you know you can trust around at all times. Do NOT under any circumstances go back to their country of origin. If they don't go back to the 'old country,' then disregard the advice.

Sameer
Posts: 103
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2009 6:58 am

Re: Hard times

Post by Sameer »

by Ram
Don't waste your time. Prayers are useless. Read a book instead or listen to a song.
That's right..
Well , those guys are wasting their whole life praying more time and visiting a stone per year...... :D
"UNTIL RELIGIONS EXISTS,THERE WILL BE NO FREEDOM FOR SOME PEOPLE"

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Vesta
Posts: 11
Joined: Fri Sep 10, 2010 2:11 pm

Re: Hard times

Post by Vesta »

You are very lucky that you are not a girl.At least you have some kind of freedom. :(
All great truths begin as blasphemies.

Renegade2009
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2009 1:42 pm

Re: Hard times

Post by Renegade2009 »

Thanks everyone i appreciate all your concern and advice, i will keep you updated, Im a Nigerian by the way

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enceladus
Posts: 2069
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 11:00 pm

Re: Hard times

Post by enceladus »

Renegade2009 wrote:Thanks everyone i appreciate all your concern and advice, i will keep you updated, Im a Nigerian by the way
Good to hear from you again, Renegade!

Ahh, Nigeria. I can remember studying it in geography at school. I can even still remember the three main tribes - Yoruba, Fulani and Hausa. ( Not a bad memory, ay.... ;) )
- enceladus

wakeup
Posts: 452
Joined: Sun Oct 03, 2010 8:07 pm
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Re: Hard times

Post by wakeup »

if Iffo tries to go to Nigeria to preach Islam they will rip his underwear and shirt pant.
If there was freedom of choice most religions would die an early death. All evil religions are cancer to the body of humanity. You are the oncologist please radiate this cancer with your enlightened knowledge. Islam will die a death soon. Meeks will inherit all and not the oppressors.


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