A Nigerian infidel in the midst of believers part 1

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Renegade2009
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Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2009 1:42 pm

A Nigerian infidel in the midst of believers part 1

Post by Renegade2009 »

It's been three years since i left Islam, for fear of being disowned, losing my close friends and loved ones, and possibly be killed for apostasy, i have hidden these secrets up till now. any time the thought comes to my mind, i feel sad,desponded and depressed. i weep for the day my beloved mother(who made it her maternal duty to teach me about my faith) will find out about it.She has a strong faith in islam and dedicated to it.
I first learned about Allah(God) when i was 7 from my mother, she told me he is our creator of heavens and earth as well as mankind. he created every living organism. but my natural curiosity in me wants to know more about Allah,so i kept asking many questions such as ; why is Allah unseen?, does he have any physical form?, how can i commmunicate with him since he is our creator and all sorts of question including his existence. some people couldn't give me an accurate answer, while most discourage me from asking this sort of question because it is shirk. at the end the flames of my curiosity was extinguish and i finally accepted the faith.
I learn how to read and memorise surahs of qur'an. My mother taught me how to memorize Fatiha, Suratul-Nas , Falaq and Ikhlas, the rest i learned from the tutors at local islamic school
I used to have a strong faith, i pray 5 times daily, i fast for ramadan month, i even went on a lesser pilgrimage to mecca and medina. i went round holy ka'aba 7 times, i kissed the black stone, i went to safa and marva, i drank Holy zamzam water and i also visited the tomb of Muhammad and three First caliph:Abubakar, Umar and Uthman bin affan
just like every muslim during my teenage years, i dreamed of going to heaven, drink pure wine,honey, milk and houris(Virgins) fulfilling my sexual needs and dread the idea of being in hell fire for eternity which causes me to fear not to commit sin
just like most muslims i have a strong resentment for non-muslims because then to my point of view they are all led astray and will end up in hellfire. in fact we have two types of non-muslims which are ahlal_kitab(Believers of the books-jews and christian) and Kafir( unbelievers) in fact the word kafir is a demeaning word. it is a great insult to call muslim that name
the flames of my curiosity that was extinguished during my childhood was ignited, this time it was unable to be extinguish. after sept 9/11,pope benedict made comment when he qouted a statement from byzantine king who said" if there is only thing that muhammad bring is war and violence". most of the muslims find it very offensive but what really shock me was how muslims start killing christians just because prophet muhammad was insulted. i asked what was the essence of all these killings, then someone told me that if you insult muhammad you will be killed. i said many people have insulted allah in so many ways but there are spared. which means it is muhammad you are actually worshiping not allah.and before you accept allah, you must accept prophet muhammad as the messenger of god.which made me think that there is no difference between them and christians( who happen to be the subject of ridicule from muslims for accepting jesus christ as the son of god).if you insult allah that is shirk but if you insult muhammad you will be killed. the question is who are we really worshiping is it allah or muhammad?!!!
since then i started researching about islam especially it's history(how it evolved, how it was spread around the world).the more i research the more i started having doubts on Islam.before i used to read qur'an voraciously in arabic or listen to scholars sermon , but when i start reading it in english all i see is allah making constant threats to mankind that he will send them to hellfire if they don't accept him as their god and muhammad as his messenger,repetition of messages, cursing jews and other unbeliever. i started to question is this really the book sent down from heaven. in fact we only heard from our parents and grandparents telling us qur'an is the word of god(ironically it was same statement that quraish people made when they told muhammad that how could they abandoned what they forefathers taught them).and msot scientific claims that qur'an claim are wrong. there are so many reasons that made lose faith in islam.

after my renouncement, i found a new perception of this life that is good and experience new found freedom of thoughts. i realized that freedom to think is the best gift that mother of nature has given to mankind. my mind has unshackle itself from the claws of dogma. it will be over my dead body to give up my new faith. my conscience has changed which lead to the change of my character and personality. i see the world full of unexplored territory, the parts that haven't yet been explored. there is an abundance of many ideas that will work and make constant changes in every way, abundance of opportunities to take advantage of, the whole point is my way of thinking has changed.
but my biggest problem and my major worry is that nobody knows that i have change my faith. my family and society value islam more than anything.i have always been confronted by my parents and loved ones for missing salat prayers,for the past two years i have not fast for ramadan and the month is due to start next week .i don't how long i am going to pretend being a muslim,i fear that i may be disowned, torture, or be killed.
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KhaliL
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Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 10:12 am

Re: A Nigerian infidel in the midst of believers part 1

Post by KhaliL »

______________________________

Welcome aboard Renegade2009. Please stick with FFI. You are in need of help and you will get it for sure from this forum.

Kindest Regards

KF
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Ariel
Posts: 7731
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 1:34 am
Location: The Netherlands

Re: A Nigerian infidel in the midst of believers part 1

Post by Ariel »

Thank you for your testimony Renegade2009, and welcome to this forum.
There are many people here like you, so you won't feel alone.

Please take care of yourself and don't get yourself killed.

Regards.
Ariel.
The heart of the wise inclines to the right,
but the heart of the fool to the left.
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expozIslam
Posts: 3114
Joined: Sun Feb 01, 2009 10:32 pm

Re: A Nigerian infidel in the midst of believers part 1

Post by expozIslam »

Welcome to ffi and please don't do anything to create a security risk for you.
If you feel like discussing anything , feel free to talk to people here.
I wish you well
“The truth, of course, is that a billion falsehoods told a billion times by a billion people are still false.”
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enceladus
Posts: 2069
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 11:00 pm

Re: A Nigerian infidel in the midst of believers part 1

Post by enceladus »

Renegade2009 wrote:It's been three years since i left Islam, for fear of being disowned, losing my close friends and loved ones, and possibly be killed for apostasy, i have hidden these secrets up till now. any time the thought comes to my mind, i feel sad,desponded and depressed. i weep for the day my beloved mother(who made it her maternal duty to teach me about my faith) will find out about it.She has a strong faith in islam and dedicated to it.
(snip)
Welcome, Renegade2009! Good on you for leaving Islam!
The previous posters on this thread are right. Stick around here, ay - you will get all of the support and help that you need.

Regarding your family... It's clear that you love them very much. I guess that what I'd say is that just as you have chosen your path (and it is a **good** path, and the right one), they have chosen a different path. They may simply not have the insight that you do. Given that it sounds that they are quite devout, it's unlikely that they will change. However, that is no reason for you to feel guilty! People choose their own paths in life. You've done so (as they have), and you have a right to! Most of all, you have a right to your freedom! Don't forget that! :)

It is good to celebrate that you're now free. It's also good to try to think about things that *you* have control over, rather than worry about those things that you don't (like your family). You can no more influence them than you can influence the tides.... ;)

Take care ay - good to have you here! Bye for now -
- enceladus
Renegade2009
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2009 1:42 pm

Re: A Nigerian infidel in the midst of believers part 1

Post by Renegade2009 »

Enceladus; thanks for your advice, now you have inspired more to follow my path
Natalyah44; i am glad to share, and i hope it will be help you with your project, not only for me but for others who are on the same path with me but cannot reveal their true belief
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Chiclets
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Joined: Tue Jan 13, 2009 7:19 pm

Re: A Nigerian infidel in the midst of believers part 1

Post by Chiclets »

Hello and welcome aboard Renegade, hope you will find time to participate more on discussions here on FFI.
gupsfu wrote:When someone uses the "taken out of context" argument without explaining what it's really supposed to mean, you know he's lying.
Muslims are so secure in their faith that they need to kill those who don’t share it.
Renegade2009
Posts: 7
Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2009 1:42 pm

Re: A Nigerian infidel in the midst of believers part 1

Post by Renegade2009 »

I still find it absurd how muslim females tends to repress their sexuality for "chastity" in order to follow their dogmatic law, one girl told me that she want to keep her virginity till she get married, i said really why?, because that's what qur'an says and i intend to follow the law, i said well, contratry to your opinion,I rather have sex before marriage, because for me there is nothing to be ashamed and guilt of having sex with whom i love or am attracted to, she was shocked to hear that and start ranting how Allah will curse me and torture in hellfire, all i could do was smile,laugh and think to myself, see how organized religion has made something pleasing and natural into a vice.
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enceladus
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Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 11:00 pm

Re: A Nigerian infidel in the midst of believers part 1

Post by enceladus »

Renegade2009 wrote:I still find it absurd how muslim females tends to repress their sexuality for "chastity" in order to follow their dogmatic law, one girl told me that she want to keep her virginity till she get married, i said really why?, because that's what qur'an says and i intend to follow the law, i said well, contratry to your opinion,I rather have sex before marriage, because for me there is nothing to be ashamed and guilt of having sex with whom i love or am attracted to, she was shocked to hear that and start ranting how Allah will curse me and torture in hellfire, all i could do was smile,laugh and think to myself, see how organized religion has made something pleasing and natural into a vice.
Exactly! Well said, Renegade!
Good to hear from you again! When I see someone commenting here who has recently left Islam, I get the same feeling as I did when I saw the people celebrating at the fall of the Berlin Wall. The feeling of wanting to say to them - "good on you, and may you have a great future".
- enceladus
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