My parents brought me up in Malaysia as a Muslim child until I was 11 years old. After that, according to my parents, there was no compulsion in religion and I was free to choose my own faith. I surely was not a Muslim. Unfortunately, in Malaysia, I was required to be a Muslim by law because my father was Malay. There are a number of different ethnic groups in Malaysia; however, ethnic Malays have to be Muslim.
Upon finishing secondary school, I got a scholarship to study Environmental Engineering in the USA. While I was in the USA, the Malaysian authorities were alerted to the fact that I was not a Muslim. In February 2000, two people from the Malaysian embassy came to see me at my university. They asked if I was a Muslim. I lied and I said I was. They proceeded to tell me they would investigate whether I was a Muslim or not. If it turned out that I was not Muslim, they told me they would forcefully repatriate me back to Malaysia because I would be unfit to be among other religions. In addition, as one of the conditions of my scholarship, all the scholarship recipients had to go to the Malaysian embassy once a year for religious debriefing. I always skipped these sessions, because I couldn’t fake the Islamic lifestyle. With the investigation on its way, and me refusing to go to the religious debriefings, I would eventually be taken into custody and forcefully repatriated. When people talk about “faith rehabilitation” in Malaysia, what actually takes place is torture until one agrees to be a Muslim again (according to the Malaysian government’s definition of what a Muslim is).
Because that my mother was born in Canada, I was also Canadian Citizen. Unassisted by the Canadian government, I fled to Canada on May 5, 2001. In Canada, I did not know anybody else that was in my shoes except for my ex-husband. So I did two things to get in touch with people like myself and to help them have a better life. First, I created Murtads from Malaysia, an online support group for Malaysians who face religious persecution. We had a group of volunteers comprising people of various faiths, and no faith, helping to run the website. Second, I created the Living Without Religion (formerly known as Coping Without Religion) Support Group in Toronto, which has now spread across Canada. This support group was meant for people who live without religion, and who are having problems, and/or people who have left a religion and are consequently having problems. These are my two contributions so far to help those who face religious persecution. Now, I would like to help more people, and that is why I have turned to One Free World International.
MY STORY OF CONVERTING BACK TO ISLAM TEMPORARILY
In the summer 2011, I had to go through a difficult time in my life. As a result, I ran away to Ottawa, Canada to begin a new life. I lost a whole lot of weight. Then, I got sick. I was worried my body will not be able to handle the illness. I was worried of a lowered immune system. So, I called for an ambulance and I was brought to Monfort Hospital. I thought I was going to the die. So, I said the Shahada and converted back to Islam. I was praying (doa) to the Muslim God (Allah) to save me from death. I didn't die and for a while I considered myself Muslim. I decided to move to Windsor, Ontario for several reasons. I would say, "I surely do not want to be Malaysian Muslim but I am a Canadian Muslim". But there were two problems.
First, I had a Service Dog for medical purposes. I was not allowed to bring my Service Dog to the mosque to be with other Muslims and I couldn't be separated from my Service Dog. I chose my dog because I love him more than anything else in the world. So, I left Islam.
Second, my Atheist thoughts came back to me. I wanted to be identified as an Atheist. When I joined the Windsor Atheists for dinner, I felt I was in the right place. I was hospitalized for a long time in 2016. I suffered like I have never suffered in my whole life before. I remained an Atheist throughout my suffering.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You guys have to make sure I don't end up being Muslim again!
Murtad Mama
