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Struggling to find the truth...

Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2012 7:08 am
by loveiskind
I am at a crossroads in my life.

After 'learning' about Islam, I converted to Islam four years ago. Truthfully, I converted after falling in love with my husband, whom I am in the process of divorcing. I will call my husband "R."

R and I went to the same high school and ended up meeting again in college. We began dating during our Freshman year of university. Everything was great, I could not be happier.

During the school year we were inseparable. My newfound friends did not like that I would spend so much time with him. I didn’t care though—I got more enjoyment out of being with him at the time.

At the end of the semester, I decided to take summer courses and get a job at the school as a summer conference host. We had had a few arguments up until this point, but nothing abnormal.

He was a Muslim. In order to further our relationship, I would need to convert to Islam. During that summer, we took a trip to California and went to an Islamic camp where I converted to Islam. In hindsight, I did not convert to Islam because I believed in it, but rather out of love for my soon-to-be-ex-husband.

Towards the end of the summer, I trained to become a Resident Advisor to pay for my room and board at university. He convinced me that if I took this job, we would never see each other. He suggested that I move in with him and his family. I decided to move in with him and his family.

His family was nice enough. However, it was while living together, that I experienced the height of my abuse. Like a normal couple, we would argue. As a coping mechanism to such drastic life-changes it is normal for a couple to argue.

In hindsight, I now realize that we did not have normal arguments.

If I felt emotionally hurt by an action that he had performed—small insecurities that I would express—he would make me feel as though I was crazy. He would tell me things like I was irrational, crazy, difficult, and ask “who would ever want to be with you?”

I would compensate my behavior by trying to be perfect. However, if I acted too perfect, he would become upset and say that I was being unrealistic—my actions seemed like they were never good enough.

At times, when we were commuting from his parents’ house to college, and we argued, he would drive to desolate locations. He would threaten to leave me in the middle of nowhere if I didn’t agree with him. In response to this, I would cry hysterically. I thought to myself that this can’t be normal. There was a point in time where he actually tried to push me out of his car and leave me on the road with no phone or any money. After agreeing with him, he would try to hug me and tell me that everything was all right, though most of the time I continued to cry.

Notably, there was an instant where he did leave me alone. He left me in the parking garage at the university. The buildings were closed and I had nowhere to go. I called his sister, who also commuted with us most of the time. She was very upset with his actions. She was the only one in his family to stand up for me and say that his actions were wrong. She said that he was acting like her fiancé at one point in time after hearing that he threatened to kill me.

At other times when we argued, I would try to leave the room to seek mediation from his parents in regards to the argument we were having. He would not allow me to call anyone or leave a room at times. He would restrain me so tightly, that I would have bruises on my arms and other parts of my body. This behavior continued throughout our relationship until a few months before I made the decision to separate from him and get a divorce. We were together for four years.

Once, I showed the bruises to his mom. I asked her, “don’t you think I should get a divorce?” She said nothing. She did nothing.
BELIEVING THAT THIS WAS OK, I MARRIED HIM ANYWAY BECAUSE HE "NEVER HIT ME," AS THOUGH BRUISES WERE NOT BAD ENOUGH.

After 3.5 years of marriage, I am divorcing him. Through the ending of this marriage, there is so much that is clearer to me. Namely, the idea that Islam is not a religion of peace, but one of extreme tyranny and inequality. I am currently seeking to find what I truly believe, which seems to be deism at the moment.

Re: Struggling to find the truth...

Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2012 7:59 am
by enceladus
Welcome, loveiskind!

I am so sorry to hear about all that nasty stuff that you've been through.

You are definitely doing the right thing, divorcing your husband. In Islam, women are seen as mere objects, to be used as the man sees fit, and it is well-known that the beating of women is sanctioned in Islam.

You are most certainly not alone in leaving Islam. Here is a page that you may find useful - it has the testimonies of a large number of people who have left Islam.
http://wikiislam.net/wiki/People_Who_Left_Islam" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I look forward to seeing your contributions in the forums here, and I wish you the very best as you rebuild your life.
Bye for now -
- enceladus

Re: Struggling to find the truth...

Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2012 9:46 pm
by capner
I have heard that the most painful part of converting to islam is when they drill a hole in your head and suck out half your brains...Is that the case with you? :???: