Married muslim wife who says we'll be divorced if....

[mx]

Seeking advice.... hummm, has anyone been through this?

I met my wife (who is Muslim) many years ago when we were 25 years old. After years of dating I started getting pressure to marry BUT in order to marry I was told I had to be Muslim... Well, how hard could that be right?? It's as easy to be as easy to be a non-practicing Muslim, as a non-practicing Christian I thought.... And there were no "rules" to what I had to follow. She merely stated she only believed or followed the 5 pillars of Islam and she thought I could try to do that.... And having stated I wasn't about to stop eating pork, and agreed I could "try".... Well, 12 years... 9/11... and 3 kids later.... things are getting much more tricky to say the least. The in-laws are over (the father is an imam) and teaching the kids Arabic and yelling at them to the point my little girl is crying.... 9/11 happened and I actually really studied Islam (read the whole Quran -- understand Hadith's role on the religion) and I guess just feel disguised I am even associated with it. I should say here I am not looking to be a part of ANY religion. I wasn't growing up. I am not now.

But my little girl keeps asking if I am Christian... like she'll say, grandpa is Christian.... uncle xxxx is Christian.... you must be Christian. And at the dinner table a couple weeks ago she stated she wanted to be Christian so she could eat pork and do other things.... BUT holy cow did my wife literally jump down her throat.... it was UGLY. Beyond this type of stuff always coming up, I feel like I'm denying them things.... maybe christian cultural things like Christmas.

UGH!!! what to do??? My wife is stating that if I SAY I am not Muslim (which she fully knows I'm not) that we will be divorced. So which is the lesser of two evils.... let her control the religious aspect for the kids and keep my mouth shut.... OR state the obvious and SAY I am not a Muslim and tell the truth to the kids???

HELP!!!

[Ariel]

UGH!!! what to do??? My wife is stating that if I SAY I am not Muslim (which she fully knows I'm not) that we will be divorced. So which is the lesser of two evils.... let her control the religious aspect for the kids and keep my mouth shut.... OR state the obvious and SAY I am not a Muslim and tell the truth to the kids???

HELP!!!

Only you have the answer to this question mx.
Do you love your wife enough to stay a Muslim or would you rather be a Christian.
BTW. You as a Muslim are the boss in house, so tell her that if she wants to enter heaven, she better obey you .

Good luck. I feel for you.

[Sten]

I would trust your instincts on this one MX, you sound like you already know what to do. If your children aren't happy as Muslims that is a good indicator of your next course of action.

[Sten]

Just my opinion, but one thing I would definitely do is tell your daughter that nobody can choose her identity but her. You should tell her that she can be whatever she wants to be, and she doesn't have to tell anyone about it. Let her know that the space inside her head is hers and hers alone, and nobody can MAKE her be a Muslim, or Christian, or anything else. She can celebrate all holidays and festivals, or none of them, whatever she chooses. Also it might be a good idea to let her know that it is ok to not belong to any religion at all. She needs to know that you will be on her side and will not reject her if she chooses to leave your wife's religion.

[mx]

Yes Sten, I have done that for sure. Albeit, it always is in quite ways. I'm sure she knows what's going on, she is a very smart x year old.

I think what I'm worried about most is she would take the kids back to xxxxx where they would be exposed to much more islamic influence. albeit, I doubt with those kids having an agnostic as a father and really get too deep in the BS.

Wow... the choices we make not thinking them all the way through!!!